I dated this divorced man five years ago; an emotionally intense four-month relationship in which he called me several times daily, met me for lunch frequently, and took me out at night, too. 

We became intimate only towards the end; I felt he was building the relationship on our deep conversations.

Then he went away for private time with his kids and I called to say hello. When he returned, he never called me again.

I was devastated and felt totally used. I eventually called him and he was icy, saying only that he wasn’t interested in anything long-term with me.

Today, I’m very happily married to a loving man, with a child of our own, and I never think about this man unless I happen to bump into him socially (twice a year). When I do, I’m seized with such anger that I can barely be civil and often just walk away.

Why do I react this way when I know I’m lucky that I didn’t end up with him?

- Still Furious

The guy did “use” you, by rushing you into such intense contact that it was natural for you to assume he was fully sincere. But he was only test-driving the idea of you as a companion, and not really investing his emotions in a partnership. 

The phone call during his “private time” made him realize he couldn’t control the relationship any more.

Yes, you’re well rid of this guy.

The persistent anger is partly at yourself, for letting him get that close, and for not seeing the warning signs – his early push to date, and lack of passion.

Your current life has too much good in it to waste any more negative feelings on this man.

Next time, smile at him; then he’ll know he no longer has any effect on you.

My son’s little boy is age four, and quite a handful; he has a will of his own, and gets rambunctious when he’s over-tired. 

My son is a loving father, but his way of disciplining the boy worries me: he always counts to three, with the threat of “coming after” the child if he doesn’t do what he’s told.

The idea of a threat and instilling fear really sets me off. I’ve tried to gently mention this to my son, saying there are other ways to distract a child, but he feels I’m interfering.

I hate to see the child responding only to fear; I’m sure it’s a factor in the way bullies are created.

- Upset Grandma

Your son’s discipline method isn’t uncommon, and can be effective IF the child gets that he’s being given limits with consequences, rather than a threat of severe punishment. 

Example: If by “three,” the child must stop playing and wash his hands before dinner – or he’ll not have play time later – it’s a lot different than, saying he’ll miss dinner and have to go to bed.

At age four, the first consequence offers a short time for the child to adapt to a change in activity, but the latter consequence is a harsh over-reaction. If your son’s approach offers reasonable consequences, and if his tone is not oppressive, then the child will learn his boundaries without undue fear.

If you’re still worried, talk to your son, privately, about his tone or manner being too overbearing.

However, if you truly suspect abuse, you have every right and responsibility to intervene.