My wife’s stepmother is one mother-in-law too many for me. 

I already have my own mom with good advice I can relate to, and her mom (the parents are divorced) who I have to be nice to. But then there’s this “other woman” who offers her opinions whenever she baby-sits our kids, buys fancy clothes for our daughters which I don’t think they need at a young age, and gushes over the children as if they’re her own grandkids.

Gimme a break, I’m positive she’s putting it all on.

Also, my wife’s father helped us buy our home, not her, so I find her compliments on the house decor smarmy.

My wife acts like she likes this woman but I’m sure it’s just to keep her father happy. However, I can’t talk to her about this subject because this family pretends everything’s great when I can see it isn’t.

- Phony Relative

She baby-sits, buys gifts, compliments and shows caring, yet you can say nothing positive about this woman. I say the problem is your negative attitude… something’s bugging you that you’re not revealing. 

What’s certain, is that you are NOT supportive of your wife. She’s got a good relationship with her step-mom, which is a good thing, yet you want to throw a wedge into it with your assumptions and prejudice against this woman.

It seems you want to stir the pot with someone, and you’ve chosen her. Maybe you resent your father-in-law’s influence on your wife, and his financial power in your relationship, but you’re afraid to say so (in which case, you don’t have the integrity to refuse the money).

Ease up on your attitude and accept your step-mom-in-law at face value. And try to own up to the real source of your anger, so you can deal with it.

I enjoy meeting new people though I already have a close group of friends. But some old friends seem to resent this and make pointed “jokes” about me being busy with my “new best friend.” 

How can I get my buddies into just accepting that I enjoy all of them and hope they’ll get along?

- Frustrated Friend

See your closest friends on their own, whenever you can, and keep in regular contact directly and privately, such as through personal email and phone calls. 

Introduce a new friend at a larger, casual gathering of pals but do NOT push your new friends at the others, as an instant part of the old group. Rather, let their contact with each other develop naturally.

Also, when you meet new people, don’t go overboard on convincing them to like everyone you know, or telling them too much about your other pals.

It’s fine for you to want to broaden your circle, but not everyone loves a crowd.

I missed my best friend’s bridal shower last December, because I was able to book a cheap flight home to see my parents on that date, and couldn’t afford the trip otherwise. 

She’s so annoyed, she won’t discuss her wedding plans with me even though I’m a bridesmaid!

- Shut Out

Apologize. Your choice was difficult but should’ve been discussed enough with both her and your parents, so that you could at least feel you tried to appease whomever was left disappointed. 

Show great interest in the wedding, offer to help in any way, such as accompanying her for fittings or choosing things, and even addressing invitation envelopes.

What do I say to a friend who’s fiancée dumped him? He’s in his late-30s, his fiancée was a beauty in her 20s and they were a showy couple, so there’s lots of gossip about the break-up. 

I feel awkward about calling him, and putting him off if I raise the topic.

- Uncomfortable

It depends on your level of friendship: If you’ve been close buddies, simply call and say, “I’m here for you if you want.” Guys don’t always talk about their hurts so easily, so don’t expect a rush of information, and don’t ask for it; let him reveal what he wants in his own time. 

If you’re a more casual friend, give him time to lick his wounds for a few weeks, then invite him out for the kind of get together you’ve had in the past – whether a club night, a meal, a sports event, whatever.