I work in a creative field with a team of co-workers under a lot of intense pressure and long hours, yet our boss never compliments us.
Instead, she always enters our department with a criticism; she’s a workaholic perfectionist who always sees what isn’t yet finished, or what hasn’t been done exactly as she envisioned (though she didn’t share that vision).
We’re all feeling pretty deflated about this, but jobs are hard to get in our field and everyone’s afraid to be the one to say anything and risk getting fired.
The whole situation has sapped some of our energies and is counter-productive to the creativity we need to come up with every day!
- Dejected
Use your creative talents to lead by example: Encourage each other, and praise the special skills of each individual.
Keep up team spirit with group efforts – e.g. a regular get-together after each project is finished, a weekly lunch treat like pizza or pot-luck, even a nominal prize for the best new suggestions, etc.
Now here’s the real creative challenge – try to find some way to compliment your boss – sincerely – when it’s warranted. It could be that she actually has a great vision for a project, or an interesting approach to solving a problem.
Everyone should agree to say something positive about it (but not just one person, or it’ll look like that one is trying to self-promote).
Your efforts will show her what encouragement looks like, and may even disarm her enough to say something positive in response.
My wife’s a controlling personality, while I’m a laid-back guy.
How can I get her to stop nagging me about chores?
- Fed Up
Do your share, regularly. Point out that you do get things done in a timely way, as needed.
If she persists in nagging, it’s time to discuss the relationship, not the chores.
Two of my friends are a lesbian couple; the parents of one are immigrants from an ethnic group; they’ve never acknowledged the women’s real relationship.
My friends are debating whether they should open the topic so they can discuss it with the parents, and help them understand and accept it.
When they stay overnight at the parents’ home, they share a bedroom, so feel that their connection is obvious, yet they also know that the family’s culture seems to be to never talk about anything that’s considered by others to be “different” or “wrong.”
But they fear that the silence might also mean disapproval and an angry confrontation, so they wonder if they should just avoid the conversation.
What’s your take?
- Curious Friend
The daughter of these parents should raise the subject, when alone with them. She should thank her parents for their hospitality and welcome to her partner, adding that she feels in her heart that they understand the nature of their relationship but have been holding back from discussing it.
She should then say that she’s very happy with this person and wants them to feel free to acknowledge their partnership.
If the parents act surprised, she needs to slowly help them understand that this is the right kind of union for her.
If they’re angry and upset, she should not pressure them, but instead, find some resources that’ll help them come to terms with having a gay daughter.
Two books I recommend are, Now That You Know, by Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward, and Is It A Choice, by Eric Marcus.
My brother lives 500 miles from our hometown, yet only visits when I invite him for my child’s birthday and Christmas. He sees our family on those days, then spends the rest of his time seeing old friends, some of whom he doesn’t even contact otherwise.
It hurts me that we’re only the “excuse” for his visit, not the reason, and that he gives us so little time to really catch up.
- Loose Connection
Your hurt is more about you than about your brother, since you build up expectations that aren’t realistic with this sibling.
For whatever reason, he doesn’t feel the family tug that you’re experiencing – perhaps he’s still single and/or hasn’t had children himself, perhaps he’s never been that nostalgic or emotional a guy. But he does come to see you twice a year.
You could visit him sometime, or keep closer contact through email and phone calls.
Tip of the day:
When working for a negative boss, take positive steps to boost your own outlook.
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