I was engaged for six and a half years. He broke my heart several times. I put up with his constant mood swings.
Last year I became pregnant. We’re both 47 and both already had kids. But we agreed it was good.
We didn’t live together. He always had excuses.
Just before my scheduled delivery date I wasn’t feeling well. I was heart-broken to learn there was no heartbeat. I left him messages and sent texts.
I had to give birth to my dead daughter. Meanwhile, my fiancé blocked me and cancelled my phone.
He told our friends that I faked it and left him. Once-close friends and his family wanted to see a death certificate. Not one asked how I was or visited me in the hospital.
Am I justified not giving in and showing them the death certificate? He already moved on three days after our daughter’s death and his actions.
I’m having a hard time because I still love a man who never loved me, but I do see now that with his lies and cheating I lost myself for a long time.
I think showing them proof won't make a difference. Is it okay to just let them say what they want?
You owe nothing to those people who question the sad, lonely, emotional ordeal you experienced, delivering a stillbirth.
Ignore their callous, nasty insinuations.
Your ex is also unworthy of your time and thoughts. He lied and cheated when in a relationship with you, then cut off contact when you needed him most.
You’re still experiencing grief/trauma over your loss.
Find support. Ask your doctor for referral to a stillbirth-related grief clinic, or a grief-counsellor. Spend time with family and friends you trust. Avoid all others who upset you. You need to heal, not to satisfy others’ toxic suspicions.
I love my nephew who’s 20 and lives with his parents. When he asked if he and his girlfriend could stay in my condo while I went on one of my frequent business trips, I agreed, changed to fresh linens, put out clean towels, and bought snacks for them.
I returned home to a mess that sickened me: Dirty plates piled up on the counter, my bed unmade with smudges of lipstick on sheets, empty beer/wine bottles on the floor.
Do I complain to his parents? Tell him he can never stay there again? Will this end our lovely aunt-nephew relationship?
He’s an adult (albeit immaturely inconsiderate) so keep it between you two.
Tell him how disappointed you were that he left you with a terrible mess. Say that he had to know it was completely different from how you live. And disrespectful.
No matter if his girlfriend’s the actual slob, it was up to him to leave the place as you left it for him: Dishes washed and put away, fresh linens back on the bed, nothing on the floor.
If he doesn’t apologize or seem to get it, say that he’s lost stay-over privileges until he can assure you that scenario will never happen again.
Meanwhile, cool your anger. Continue the relationship as before, and find an appropriate moment in a while, to ask whether he truly had no clue about how to show respect for another person’s home (in which case he needs to learn what’s required).
Or, if his girlfriend/friends had trashed your place. If so, he then needs to learn how to gain control in such a situation.
FEEDBACK Regarding Reader Responses about their stories of cheating or being betrayed… all of which demonstrate the sad reality that women and men are equally capable of falseness and disloyalty (August 24):
Reader – “I have been reading with some interest the attempts by some of these men and women to justify their actions when having affairs with others’ spouses, or cheating on their own partners, etc.
“Most of their stories include weak, ages-old and transparent excuses, almost all of them only interesting for their banal repetitiveness.
“Today, however, I guffawed at this woman’s description of how she and her married co-worker, who recently became her lover, manage workplace propriety… despite they’re getting together for sex at her place during lunch or after work.
“She wrote: “At work, we keep things professional...”
“Oh, no you don’t.
“EVERYONE in your workplace knows you are having sex.
“Everyone. Knows. And EVERYONE is embarrassed for both of you.”
Tip of the day:
Shut out toxic gossipers and get help to heal yourself from an emotional loss.