I’m a sophomore in high school wondering what I should do about this guy I’ve been dating for almost three months now.
Before, we were friends for two years. During then, he dated a girl for eight months - a huge-deal relationship that everyone knew about.
When we started dating, it was already a huge risk about what everyone would think because the girl’s still in love with him and a controlling “crazy ex-girlfriend.”
So we decided to only tell our closest friends and no one’s found out. But he periodically compares me to his ex and says she was better at making him feel better and that she’d do sexual things with him.
But I can’t do them due to past trauma (which he doesn’t know about it).
He’d said he’d be moving to Spain and we agreed to do long-distance or at least try, but I discovered that he’d told his ex he was leaving and didn’t want to be on bad terms, which is fine.
But he told her before even telling me, though he still blocks her. Then I started hearing that he met up with her and said he’d be a good boyfriend.
When I confronted him, he denied it and said it was because the guy who told me this has problems with him.
But I started hearing again that they’d gone out, but this time it’s from a guy who’s close to him and his best friend also said I’m right.
When I confronted him again he acted annoyed and talked rudely with me, and eventually said his ex-girlfriend did call him and she was crying, telling him to unblock her, so he did.
Then, when he went out, she happened to be there but they didn’t even talk.
I don’t want to look stupid and my friends who know think I should break up, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to decide on impulse and rumours, but also don’t want to look stupid.
I don’t have time to deal with cheating right now in my life. What do you think about this?
High School Romance
It’s becoming more of a high-school drama that you need to avoid becoming a school-wide production.
Otherwise, there’s way too many rumours and gossip-lovers interfering with what should be a relationship that you and your boyfriend can enjoy.
But that’s not happening now.
You’re clearly not looking for drama, so have a talk with your guy that’s not accusing but asks directly about what’s going on.
Tell him you’re happy to be dating him, but not if he feels a pull toward his ex.
If he insists that he’s not going back with her, do as you wisely did when you two started dating and agree to try to keep your relationship off social media, or chat with others about it.
If he does move to Spain and you still want to try a long-distance relationship, you both need serious trust in each other… and that’s not easy when you’re at this age/stage.
The more honest, open and trusting you two are now, the more chance you’ll have of staying through the normal course of this relationship, and not broken up by others’ false stories.
Though you’re still young and may have several meaningful relationships in your lifetime, this one is still an important time for you to insist on your self-respect and values.
You don’t want lies or dismissals, just truth.
I feel terrible after cheating on my fiancée. We’re early-30s and both working hard toward buying a house, but I had an off-site with my work team and a sexy female co-worker came on very strong to me.
We repeated the situation over four days away. Do I tell my fiancée or hope she never finds out?
Sorry, there’s nowhere to hide.
Your other colleagues undoubtedly know/suspect what happened when you two disappeared or looked cozy.
And your “sexy” co-worker isn’t going to accept that back in the office she’s the forgotten fling for whom you have no time.
I’ve found that when a couple’s relationship is already in trouble, it’s sometimes best to first arrange for counselling together and confess the infidelity there, to show that there was background distance/problems that led to it.
However, you just let the cheating happen. You need to tell your fiancée fast, before someone else does.
Tip of the day:
A high-school relationship is a good time to learn not to let gossipers rule. Insist on knowing the truth.