My husband cheated on me. Not only did he cheat on me, but he also had a baby with his girlfriend. This baby is only three years younger than our youngest child, and we have been having trouble conceiving again.

Now I know why. He was using all his potent sperm on his girlfriend!

I found out about his indiscretion because I was at a pediatrician’s office I don’t normally go to. My pediatrician was out of town and suggested I go to see this doctor when my eldest child came down with a rash. I walked in, filled out the form and was called up by the receptionist. She was confused because they had a child on file with the same last name and same father, but different address. She was just confirming…. and enlightening me!

I kept my cool, called it a coincidence and dealt with my sick child. I then dropped my child at my parents’ and confronted my husband at his workplace. I wanted it to be public. I wanted his colleagues to know what kind of a person they were working alongside.

But now what?

LIVID!

Now you need to speak to a lawyer, find out what your rights are as his wife, and discuss your options. Then you need to speak to a close friend and confidant and discuss how you feel AFTER the initial shock wears off. And then you need to decide what YOU want to do. Not what HE wants, but what YOU want.

Do you want this man back in your bed, back in your home? Do you still want him to be your husband? If yes, then I strongly suggest you two see a marriage counsellor to help you find your way back to each other after his infidelity.

If you are done with this person and want to end the marriage, then you need to seek legal counsel to understand what a divorce entails, including the custody of your very young children.

Being cheated on is a sickening feeling and I’m sorry you are going through this. Lean on your family and friends for support at this time. And just remember – you didn’t do anything to make this happen. This was his choice, his actions.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. She’s the coolest and I really enjoy her company. My issue is that she has so many friends and everyone always wants to hang out with her. I know a lot of her friends – some I like, some I don’t, but that doesn’t matter. I’m happy to hang out with the ones I like, and their boyfriends. But it’s not often a thing.

It’s usually just the girls getting together. I’m obviously cool with her hanging out with her friends without me, but it just seems like it’s every night and I want to hang out with her.

I don’t want her to think I’m clingy or needy, because I’m not. I hang out with my friends a lot too. I just think it’s not that even and I’d like to hang out with her more. How do I tell her that?

Too Many Friends

Sit down with your girlfriend and look at the calendar together. Discuss your plans for the next week, two weeks, month. Write down all the times she has girls-only plans in one colour, group plans that include you in another, and time alone just the two of you in another. That’s a good visual.

Discuss what’s right in front of you. Try to compromise to appease both of you. You may not be in sync.

FEEDBACK Regarding the boy who may or may not be sick (May 27):

Reader – “As a very young child, my brother repeatedly complained, “My stomach hurts” but eventually added, “and my teacher doesn’t like me.”  My mother had a talk with the teacher, and the stomach aches disappeared.

“Another relative, who loved school and was very popular, suddenly started being truant.  Turns out a boy was bullying her, following her, muttering that she was a fat pig.  A visit with the principal solved the problem.

“This boy might even be showing signs of an anxiety disorder or some other mental health problem. My son was once cold-cocked by a friend who injured his eye. I thought he was a spoiled brat but was shortly diagnosed as being schizophrenic.

“And there’s always the possibility of sexual abuse by an older child or adult that the boy doesn’t know how to escape. You’re certainly correct that the important thing is to find out what’s going on.”