I knew her five weeks, we dated for three weeks, she ended it; two weeks later she said she’d been mistaken. 

She’s been my girlfriend for 18 months. However, she’d previously dated another man for six months, but he ended it.

I’ve learned that while she and I were broken up, she told this man she still had feelings for him. Knowing this, I’ve become terribly depressed; I feel we only ended up together as second choice.

She says that during our brief breakup, she always had feelings for me, and only “thought” she still cared for him.

With her, I have such a good time I don’t even think or care about what happened, but when left to my own devices, negative feelings consume me. I’m confused, conflicted, hurt, and scared.

Should I forgive/forget and believe her now to be with the woman of my dreams? Or should we break up because it makes me miserable to not understand why/what happened?

- Miserable

Unless you only dated 12-year-olds, almost every romance you would have, was made possible because a previous one of yours or hers didn’t work out. 

Let me spell it out: You barely knew her, and count the first part of your “relationship” from a grand period of three weeks’ dating! Instead of being miserable that she momentarily questioned her feelings, you should be thrilled that you two developed a bond that’s lasted for so long… so far.

BUT, your insecurity, self-absorption, and negative view of events characterizes you as a guy who sees the glass as half-empty, instead of half-full. Unless you wake up, you’ll push her away.

My ex and I share custody of our daughter, 10. He’s a great dad, picks her up from school everyday, does all her homework, is very involved, etc., and they’re very tight (as are we). However, he forgets she’s a girl.  

He has a girlfriend, with a son our daughter’s age and they sometimes sleepover - with the boy in the same room as my daughter, which she HATES (bunk beds). I say (and my daughter agrees) that this is totally inappropriate. My daughter wants her privacy.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve mentioned this to my ex before, so, I told her to talk to her dad about this (before I have to intervene). He just doesn’t get it and I’m furious that he’d allow this.

- Worried

Your ex is confused about who has priority in his personal life. Answer: His daughter. She and this boy both need their privacy respected – they’re not siblings, they’ve already experienced upheavals, and both need the security of knowing that their parents consider them first, rather than choose convenience for their adult-time together. 

Dad should have the sleepovers when your daughter’s with you. The kids can get to know each other in daytime “family” excursions.

If the couple is planning something permanent, they need to find accommodation that keeps these pre-adolescents from being in awkward, uncomfortable, and potentially explosive situations.

My long-distance boyfriend speaks of “our future” though we’ve only known each other two months (met at a conference), and only been together a total of 8 days. 

He talks of travelling together on a year off. Should I be pleased or scared?

- Spooked

Be yourself. If you’ve committed to a long-term romance with him, then be positive but also practical. 

Plan visiting each other enough times, and without too long in between, to feel more certain about the future. When you are, plan to move together.

I’ve been married for 10 years with four children, but I’ve had self-esteem issues due my husband’s comments regarding my weight, clothing, etc. I’m not overweight, but he constantly disapproves of me.  

I know he’s not intentionally trying to hurt me, but I still resent him, and I’m no longer attracted to him.

He’s a great dad, but I don’t want to be unhappy.

- What To Do?

Get to counselling. 

Hopefully, since you’re no longer “attracted” to him, he’ll agree to go, too. The therapy process is a forum for speaking up, but also for looking for solutions.

Your husband’s hypercritical, you need to find out why, and see if he can change.

A “great Dad” is worth the effort if you can break through his negative way of dealing with you. If not, you’ll both need the counselling to plan a civilized split, with the kids’ best interests in mind.