My husband just told me that he sometimes pretends to be mad at me, to get me to do things around the house. He tells me everyday that I'm messy and I don't do enough.

But we have a two-year-old and I'm not very good at picking up after us right away. I try but it doesn't always happen.

It's not like I don't clean, in fact I clean all the time. He does more because he doesn't look after our son as much. If he took more time with him then I'd do more around the house. Is this marriage worth saving? I'm thinking of moving out.

Clean Enough

Your knee-jerk solution to split up will end up messier than your house. A marriage involving a two-year-old IS worth saving, unless this clean-up squabble is just one of many conflicts which you two seem incapable of resolving with any maturity and good sense.

Where's the conversation about how to handle the new tasks since a child became part of your lives, or about sharing time caring for the now-toddler? Where are the ideas about how to have "tidy-up time" after playing with toys, or the division of bigger chores on weekends, when the child naps?

Instead, there's your husband's faked anger (childish) and your dream of escape (a ploy common to pre-teen's). Grow up and work out a household schedule with your husband. If he's an obsessive "clean freak," suggest hiring professional cleaning help, as often as affordable.

I don't feel I belong within my husband's side of the family. When we make plans with his siblings, they get changed - due to his Mom - so I don't get to know them enough to feel they like me.

I'm brushed off so much it's like they can't stand being around me. It's all about his Mom - what she wants, she gets.

I've tried to talk to my husband about this but he doesn't see the problem and thinks I'm just bitching. My family says that he caters to his mom, so what should I expect.

But I can't take it anymore. We have a daughter yet we're never considered; her schedules are always thrown off. Her bedtime is 7 pm, but we can be together all day and they won't have dinner until 7pm, then they'll take hours after for presents, etc.

I'd like a better relationship with his side but I don't feel it'll happen unless things change. I just can't take the switched plans and feeling like I mean nothing so I can just be pushed aside.

Fed Up

Stop reacting - since it's all about his mother, it's not really about you. His family has a long pattern of making changes or later meals, according to his Mom's wishes. That's why your husband thinks it's "normal."

But you must tell him - gently, without all this insecure stuff about being "nothing" - that now that he has his own family, some changes need to be made.

HE needs to tell his mother that he wants to see her, but his child's needs have to be considered. And his wife has to be included in plans.

YOU need to show some flexibility. Your child can, on occasion, be fed early and sleep at Grandma's house for awhile.

You're a wife and mother, not a doormat. If plans change, it's not to brush you off. It may be his mother's nonsense, but don't make it yours.

My husband's cousin lived with us for three years when she emigrated here. I had to help her a lot because she didn't speak English. Now, she's moved out and calls constantly for advice. She doesn't even want to go shopping without me.

She's just had a baby and gained so much weight. That's all she talks about, repeatedly asking me what to do about getting fat. I told her to go to a gym or for walks but she says her husband doesn't approve. How can I stop her asking my advice?

Tired of It

Advice-giving is about encouraging people to take charge of their own lives. Say you can do nothing about her weight; only she can, and she doesn't need her husband's permission. She can walk her baby twice a day, eat healthier foods and less quantities.

Insist there are no magic answers - the work is up to her.