I was on Cloud 9 when I met my then-girlfriend, who’s now my wife of several months. She’s witty, charming, attractive, funny, loving and affectionate.
We had a dream life. Until her ex-best friend came into the picture.
This woman claims that my wife had unpaid debts which she insists that I settle, though stemming from long before we’d met.
My wife’s unaware that her ex-friend approached me to settle her debts. I refused, and told the woman that I wasn’t interested.
Then this “friend” dropped a bombshell on me, asserting that my wife had worked as an exotic dancer at adult establishments which later progressed to her offering intimate companionship services as an escort.
I didn’t want to believe her but after conducting some extensive sleuthing I learned that it’s all true.
Her ex-friend shared with me a sex tape that shows my wife engaging in intimacy with at least 10 men during one of her paid encounters.
I’m very angry and troubled by these upsetting revelations.
Please note that this letter is NOT a critical chastisement of sex trade workers. I sympathize with the plight of women who opt for work in occupations that come with inherent risks.
I’ve not yet raised this with my wife and am unsure how to do so.
She was previously known by a different name, had lived in a different city, etc., none of which she shared with me.
If she was seeking a fresh start at life, I’d have appreciated if she’d disclosed all this to me upfront when we started dating.
I’m seriously considering speaking to a lawyer and even contemplating divorce. Please advise.
Duped and Deceived
Some readers may doubt the authenticity of your letter, due to its almost Hollywood-like dramatic storyline.
However, I receive enough tales of far more outlandish situations and relationships that I will take this one at your word.
Two major red flags in this story: 1) The informant is no ex-“friend,” but rather a nasty, jealous, conniving person who tried to shake you down for money for her.
If she persists, have a lawyer deal with her claims.
2) You adored your wife and loved your life with her, yet you rush to consider divorce before even talking to her about her past.
She deserves a hearing. Yes, you also deserved the truth, but if the facts are real and if you truly “sympathize with the plight of women who opt for work in (risky) occupations,” then listen with an open mind.
Hear her story. Take some time to decide – maybe with counselling help – if you can accept her past. If not, then part amicably, she hasn’t ruined your life and now has her own disappointments to handle.
I’m not an adult. My best friend is boy crazy and desperate for a boyfriend! But she discriminates against any other race but Caucasian.
She gets annoying. I think her discrimination needs to stop. I tell her that any race of boys can be "cute," but she doesn't listen.
My Bestie Discriminates
You’re both young but very different. You’re open-minded; she’s closed-minded, with racist attitudes.
You’re a caring friend; she seeks attention from many.
Mostly, young people who hold prejudices against other races learn these from their parents and/or a community of bigoted adults. She may even be afraid of having a boyfriend who’s “different.”
I predict you won’t tolerate her attitudes for long. Meanwhile, change the topic. It IS annoying.
FEEDBACK Regarding splitting the money in your will to be split by inheritors 50/50 (May 17):
Reader – “I think that no matter what a will stipulates, siblings or beneficiaries will always be unhappy with something.
“Even when the split is 50/50, there’s sibling conflict and hurt.
“My friend encountered this and was hurt when his parents left an equal will as he’d been their primary caregiver for 20 years.
“His siblings had refused to help. Yet, everyone received the same inheritance.
“He suspects his parents worried that there’d be greater conflict. Sadly, the conflict never went away and the son who did everything for them, is hurt.
“The right thing would’ve been that my friend gets more or the siblings give him more (fat chance).
“If you can give extra while alive, do that because no one can tell you how to spend your money. Once a will is involved, it gets ugly.”
In my June 7 column, a man had written that he's in a sexless marriage and added, "I’ve used massage therapists for release."
While questions to the Ellie column come from anywhere across the globe, it’s important for our audience to know the following:
Massage therapy is a regulated health profession in four Canadian provinces – Ontario, British Columbia, New Brunswick and Newfoundland, with other provinces at various points along the path towards self-regulation.
However, in each jurisdiction across Canada, the professional association or associations for massage therapy have established standards of practice that prohibits sexual interaction between a massage therapist and a patient.
It's likely the man is getting massage from an unlicensed practitioner. The man’s references to (sexual) release would signify unlicensed practitioners who call themselves a masseuse, and his comment on paid sex would apply to a sex worker.
Tip of the day:
Discovering a partner’s unknown and troubling past is shocking, but still deserves an opportunity for honest discussion.