After breaking up with this GREAT guy due to parental issues two years ago, he cut all contact with me; he couldn’t stay “just friends.”
Recently, he randomly called, we caught up for an hour, and he re-added me on Facebook.
It took me a long time to get over this guy and I don’t know if re-adding him is going to reopen any wounds. I’m afraid I might remember the bad times and give him a second chance too easily. I’m afraid I might stalk the past two years of his life.
I’m not sure what he wants from this “friendship” now that we’re both older and definitely more independent from our parents.
What should I do?
- Hesitant
The proof of your being independent now would be to stop detailing things to fear and instead, decide what YOU want from re-connecting.
If you’re truly past whatever parental objections existed, find out if he is. Talk about this openly but without blame.
If you still care about him, slowly engage in a friendship; do NOT look for romance from it, unless and until it’s clear that there are mutual feelings.
But if you cannot become friends without “stalking” how he spent the time apart, forget it… you’ll just make yourself afraid again, through jealousy.
My girlfriend and I met in graduate school last year; we’re both early-20s. We have a great relationship, have talked about a future together and are in love. The only thing we disagree about it is having children.
She has a daughter, 3, from a previous relationship. Given her age and professional accomplishments, she’s had a tough time raising this child and doesn’t desire to have more. But I feel we should not cut off the possibility of having children together.
We have a constant dialogue about this, but there hasn’t been much room for movement. Should we be deciding this now?
What if we stay together and then I realize I really want to add more children to our family? Is this worth losing a potential life partner right now? And what are the consequences of waiting to decide?
- Need Advice
There’s no textbook answer to what lies ahead: You two need more flexibility, compassion and compromise in your relationship, rather than direction on which path to choose.
It’s shortsighted and one-sided for her, at this stage, to state categorically that she won’t want more kids, no matter how you may feel later on. After all, it’ll be easier next time for her to raise a child with a partner; also, you have as much right to this decision as she does.
The path to this decision should include re-examining your joint lifestyle as you two advance in the relationship and in your careers.
However, if she remains inflexible, break it off now since your vote doesn’t count, rather than when you’re more deeply involved with her and her child.
So far, neither of you are learning ways to handle disagreements other than remaining polarized.
My best friend takes her old dog everywhere.
I just got new rugs and don’t want any doggie accidents anointing it. What can I do, without upsetting my friend?
- House Proud
Buy a special doggie basket, comfy pillow, and chewable canine toy. Present them as “house gifts” for when she and Poochie visit.
For your best pal and her pet, it’s worth the effort and cost. And your friend should appreciate your concern for both of them.
We vacationed with another couple, rented a single car.
Our friend volunteered to be the driver, but he drove aggressively, above the speed limit, made unsafe lane changes, and used his cell-phone while driving. The cell-phone is a big issue, because I don’t know what to say since it’s legal, yet puts my family and I at risk.
How can you tell someone who’s doing you a favour that they’re doing it wrong? Shouldn’t the passenger feel free to speak up if feeling unsafe?
- Uncomfortable Ride
There was no “favour” here. But your NOT speaking up made you as foolhardy as the driver.
Never be ashamed to protect yourself. Day #1: You say kindly but firmly that the driving situation won’t work, as you have different standards. Then, you either take over the driving, rent a separate car and go in convoy, or go home. Better that way, then via a hospital!
Tip of the day:
Starting a fresh friendship from an old relationship, requires a fresh approach instead of old fears.