For years, I'd give my wife massages. 

Ten years ago, for my birthday I asked for a massage from her. I wanted her touch. Instead, she bought me one from a professional. When asked how it was, I said it was okay, but that I still wanted one from her. It never happened, so I got into shape and still no massage.

Eventually, she revealed that she "had to do that for her dad," and walked away. I tried to get her to go to therapy, but she flatly refused.

We're now going through divorce and it's come out in divorce talks that she'd bought me the massage because I'd wanted to take classes, so she thought I'd see how a pro works. But that's false, because I didn't want to take classes until recently. She's also given other false excuses about this.

Do you think she's running away from me so as not to have to deal with this issue?

- Unsatisfied

The problem isn’t one missed massage; it’s intimacy, which you two have lacked for years. 

It’s clear that “touching” was, for her, disturbingly uncomfortable. I’m sure you had a longtime sexual problem, too – far more physical release than emotional connecting - also never resolved.

Yes, therapy should’ve been helpful, but not if it was only about HER refusal to massage you. Cuddling, sexual foreplay, deep communication, and compassion… these all needed airing out together, with professional guidance.

It’s not too late for that, if you’re both unsure about proceeding with a divorce. Try it. And drop the massage obsession, so you can focus on the marriage.

My partner of three years went overseas for work a year ago. I was hurt that he made the decision without consulting me about how it’d affect our relationship.  

We’ve been maintaining regular contact, visits, and planning for me to seek a job where he’s thriving in his work. I’m thriving here as I have a good network of friends, family and a career. I don’t really want to move, but it makes more practical and financial sense. However, after learning that he wanted to work overseas, I had an affair with an ex for a year; it’s over now.

Though I have no emotional connection with the ex, why can’t I stop contacting him? My partner’s a good man whom I love.

We’ve tried a break and even a break-up, neither one worked. I’m lonely and sad that he’s not here, still a little angry and resentful that he moved. But he’s done more than enough to show me how much he wants us together.

- Torn

You’re NOT “thriving,” given your loneliness, anger, and cheating. 

Stop dithering and go ahead with the plan to get together. The alternatives didn’t work; the affair was only a payback act that hasn’t helped either. So push harder to move faster and take a positive attitude with you. You’ll have to give yourself time to adjust and make new connections, and also set up visits there by your family and friends.

With any move, there’s the possibility of things not being “perfect.” Also, you need to establish with your partner the “rule” that neither of you makes a major lifestyle-altering decision without full consultation.

In time, you both may choose to return to your hometown, or even move elsewhere. But for now, it’s clear that you want to be with him, but that you’re stalling through setting up diversions that could sabotage everything. Stop it, and move.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two months for academic-related reasons. We still have strong feeling for each other, and hope to one-day get back together. 

Today, my best guy friend, who’s dating my cousin and close girlfriend, told me that he likes me a lot. How should I deal with this situation?

What he just said could change many things. What would you do in my shoes?

- Confused

I’d kick some sense into this so-called “friend” who’s crossing two no-go zones: 1) You don’t take advantage of a break-up until you know it’s long-term and your pal isn’t just vulnerable; 2) you don’t mess with best girlfriends (especially when they’re relatives)! 

Your guy friend’s acting like a sleaze, risking your friendship with him and your relationship with two others. If he doesn’t back off, give him the boot; also, warn him to better respect your girlfriend/cousin.