I’m 23, and have been seeing a man, 35, for the past few months. He has a criminal background and is currently divorcing.
Typically this situation would scare me away, but my cousin’s been dating his brother for four years.
Also, it’s ten years since his last offense, and he’s been very open about it.
My family’s expressed concern and disapproval, causing me stress/anxiety.
But I’ve fallen head over heels!
Stressed in Love
Chill. The “concern” is a gift from your family who are trying to protect you - a natural reaction in this case.
The 12-year age difference isn’t nearly as significant as his vastly different life experience.
You’ve not defined his criminal record, but it matters whether there was ever violence, armed robbery, drug-trafficking or significant fraud.
The answer reveals his character. If there was any violence, that should be a major red flag, even a STOP sign.
He’s not divorced yet, so why rush the relationship?
Take a step back towards the “getting-to-know” phase. Dating for just a few months reveals an early sexual/romantic attraction but nothing about what life with this man would be like.
Your cousin’s relationship with his brother is also no predictor for you.
Find out more about why his marriage is ending, and listen closely to how he describes and talks about his ex. It’s often illuminating.
I feel disrespected by my wife's excessive weight gain (70-plus lbs) during the one year we’ve been married.
The last time she committed to a healthy lifestyle and weight-loss efforts was for her wedding dress fittings.
I’ve attempted to motivate her regarding diet and workout routines. She always has some ridiculous excuse, such as she’s tired, or sick, or that "I should love her as she is."
I’m sick of this. I’ve spoken to her about it several times. She gets defensive and starts arguing.
When we first met, she was dieting and said she was always in the gym. For the last six months, I’ve tried to live by example by waking at 4am and heading to the gym before work.
I see other fit, attractive females there and can't help thinking, why can’t I have a sexy, fit wife like that?
It’s turned me off sexually, to which she’s taken exception.
I’m also the cook, always preparing healthy meals and packaging meals for the week.
I’ve spoken to other married men and women who’ve said that I need to keep motivating her, but I’ve already done my fair share.
Also, she and her mom keep pressuring about having babies......!
I’m a Good Man
You may think you’re “good” but you’re missing important signals here.
You’re shaming your wife about her weight, taking it as “disrespect” of you, when you should be concerned about her and what’s causing a rapid 70-pound gain during your marriage’s first year.
Not uncommonly, overeating can occur during the build-up of depressive feelings, which also commonly develop from being constantly criticized.
Also, escalating weight may reflect a health problem that should be medically checked for her sake.
Yet your concern’s only about how her appearance affects you.
I do appreciate your efforts to cook healthy foods, and I agree with your hesitation about having a baby together soon.
Unfortunately, your relationship’s foundering on your overzealous efforts to change your wife, rather than try to understand her, and love her.
If you can’t accept that, get counselling or do her a favour and end it.
My mom was having some issues with my brother, his wife and my dad (all living together).
My sister called insisting I take Mom to my home. While there, she needed to go home to get some medicine.
When we arrived, things got worse, my sister asked why I didn’t tell them I was bringing Mom.
I said it’s her home. My sister got mad, and yelled. I left with my mother. An hour later my dad, brother, and sister arrived at my home.
She insulted me, and drove off.
My brother then yelled at me and said he’d once more dissociate from me (we didn’t speak after my arranged marriage.)
I believe it’s unfair how I was put in this position. My sister soon sent a short apology, which I appreciated.
I’m still upset but want my sister and I to be friends.
Re-build the friendship. Your family’s too quick to disputes and distancing.
Tip of the day:
Red flags in an early relationship? Go slow, and learn more character background.