Dear Readers: Sorry to disappoint some of you, but I’m not a matchmaker. I give relationship advice to help people, but I don’t “solve” a problem of loneliness, for example, by setting up dates.
Recently, a man, single after a long marriage, wrote about his difficulty finding women to date because he looks so much younger than his age (57) and only young women show interest in him (March 29).
Female readers responded enthusiastically. Examples: 1) “Hook me up!” from a 38-year-old divorced mom.
2) “I’m 50 and would love to meet him – thought it may not hurt to reach out.”
3) “I’m 59, divorced and also look much younger. I’ve got a lot goin’ on.”
To those women and the many more who wrote, I understand and respect your forthright approach.
You all show confidence and courage to see who’s out there for dating and potential partnership.
Hopefully, your life experience and smarts have made it clear that even with a man who sounds “perfect” for you, there’s no guarantee until you get to know him.
I do applaud your positive outlook of giving a set-up-meeting a try.
But the actual business of matchmaking won’t happen through this column.
Most people who write me have a personal need - for encouragement, direction, reality checks, understanding, information and more.
To the women who wrote me and who are already go-getters: I believe you’ll find your own matches.
I’m a 52-year- old man and I have a near impossible time finding love.
At 19, I met a girl, 15, and was willing to wait for her to grow up some before asking her out. I tried building a friendship through letter writing.
But our mothers decided the age difference was too much for us to communicate, which left me crushed and devastated.
I became self-conscious and wouldn’t even consider dating anyone more than a year younger.
I tried asking a couple girls my age out and only met with rejection so I stayed single and dateless till I was 26.
I rushed into a relationship that turned out to be a mistake and after we divorced, circumstances and living arrangements prevented me from being able to date anyone else.
We reconciled after two years and stayed together another 12 before ending things for good in 2015.
I still haven't dated anyone and have a difficult time finding women who’ll date me or find me attractive.
I guess I just never knew how to heal from everything and be able to love and be loved. I feel as though girls and women either shunned or blackballed me from dating and I don't know why since I was always a respectful and honest person.
What did I do wrong? It seems I had no chance of winning a popularity contest because I was quiet, shy, and introverted.
After so many years of living with doubts and disappointments, it’s time to look forward instead of at your past.
Try attending meetup.com groups with an area of interest for you… e.g. art, music, etc. where conversations are easier because they’re related to the event.
Also, many shy people have developed their confidence through a local Toastmasters International course.
Being introverted is not an uncommon trait, but since you feel it’s holding you back from finding love, talk to a professional counselor about how to share communication that matters in a relationship.
Invest time in boosting your self-confidence, rather than keep approaching dating possibilities by expecting to fail.
FEEDBACK Regarding the husband with mental health issues who refuses prescribed medication, has many accidents, and is controlling (March 26):
Reader #1 – “I've been driving for 39 years and I've never been in a car accident that was my fault. My car was rear-ended twice after I’d stopped (once at a red light, once turning left after the other driver had stopped but got impatient).
“Point: Brain injuries can cause anger and other inappropriate behaviours.”
Reader #2 – “Everyone should get informed about mental illnesses and brain injuries. We’re all human and brain injuries could happen at any time - please be compassionate.”
Reader #3 - “She’s been married to him for 31 years, and has suffered abuse through his mental illness and otherwise. He won’t change, refuses treatment, he’s controlling her.
“She’s tried too long. It’s time for her to leave him and start a new life. It won’t be easy but she deserves a better life.”
Tip of the day:
Boosted self-confidence, and better communication helps in finding dates.