I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know anyone to turn to. I’ve chosen to attend a university in the States when all my friends are in different universities across Canada. My parents agreed to send me, knowing it would be extremely expensive. They had their reasons for wanting me to be far away.

But I’m miserable and lonely and want to come back to Canada. I know this will greatly upset my parents, especially because they won’t get all their money back. I also know it will be embarrassing for them. They care what other people think.

But I don’t care what other people think, I’m just so unhappy. My parents will try to convince me to stay; my guidance counsellor will try to convince me to stay; even my best friend at home will try to convince me to stay. BUT I WANT TO GO HOME!

What do I do?

Homesick

Since I post my work a few weeks in advance, by my calculations, you haven’t even been gone for a month. That’s not enough time to give something a chance. And as far as I know, most American universities start classes mid-August when all of your Canadian friends are still enjoying their carefree summers.

It’s no wonder you want to come home! But unfortunately, I’m in the same camp as your parents, guidance counsellor and best friend. You need to stay. Not forever, and maybe not even for the year if you’re that miserable. But you must give the school – and yourself – the chance to enjoy this incredible opportunity.

Now, if there is more to your story, and something awful is happening over there, you need to speak up. No one will force you to stay anywhere that is unsafe.

My 23-year-old daughter is moving home after spending four years at university in another city. I’m looking forward to having her around, but I’m anxious. While she was at school, her mother was in a fatal freak car accident. It was traumatizing for all of us, including her younger brother. He was still living at home when it happened, but has since gone away to school.

I have been living on my own, in our marital home, for the past year. It’s been horribly lonely, but the solitude gave me the time to really grieve my wife…. and move forward. I have gotten rid of many of her things, but not before checking with my children first. However, her absence is very apparent and the house seems different.

I’m worried my daughter will be upset, will not want to live here with me, and will be angry with me. I just want her to be happy…. And I want to live harmoniously with her.

Dad and Widower

Moving back home will be a challenge for your daughter in many ways. She’s lived without a parent’s rules, on her own with other people her age, for a few years. That in itself makes moving home tricky. But she’s also moving home to the house she grew up in with her mother, who’s now gone.

She would probably benefit from talking to someone, whether a grief counsellor, a guidance counsellor, and/or a career counsellor. Offer to go with her, or to help her find the right person. Show her your unconditional love and support.

There will be growing pains, but she’s old enough and you’re thoughtful enough to make it work. Just keep communication open and be flexible and understanding.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mother concerned about the new high school principal (July 31):

Reader – “I agree with your response to the mother who is concerned about her daughter's new principal. I would suggest that the daughter should avoid being alone with any school staff member, not just the principal. This helps to keep students safe from possibly predatory adults in any position of authority. Also, since you've said the mother does not have a legal leg to stand on regarding the accusations she's heard, applying it to all staff will spare the mother from having to explain why her daughter must avoid being alone with the principal in particular.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the sister upset about the cottage (July 26):

Reader – “I think the solution to the bedroom assignment at the parents' cottage is simple. It's the parents' cottage and their call. No one has any special rights. The parents can assign bedrooms as they wish, season by season, or visit by visit.”