I’m 18 and have been with my girlfriend for one year.
She lives with her sister, not her parents.
She’s remained friends with her ex and since his parents kicked him out, he's been living with her.
Our already minimal amount of time alone together has become nothing (a half hour in the last week).
She’d asked me previously if I’d be okay with him living there until he finds a place of his own and I said no. He ended up staying at his parents’ home, then.
This time she didn't ask me, he just moved in.
Am I being unreasonably perturbed by this?
- No Time
Be perturbed about your girlfriend more than about the guy. She’s shown insensitivity to you and lack of effort toward your relationship, by not making sure she finds time for you.
On the positive side, she obviously has a caring nature and identifies with people who are experiencing family problems, so her helping her ex is not surprising. But she’s let it cloud her understanding of what’s required for two people to stay committed.
You may both be inexperienced at handling these stress periods in a relationship.
Talk to her and explain your feelings. If she argues or refuses to make time for you alone, you have a decision to make.
I’m 22 and have serious problems with jealousy; I love my boyfriend, but am plagued with obsessive thoughts that he doesn’t really love me because I can't understand how anyone could.
I sometimes think he stays with me only out of pity or fear, and will eventually leave me for someone more emotionally stable.
I have a history of bipolar disorder, which mostly manifests itself as depression for me.
I also once cheated on my boyfriend and feel terrible guilt. I was feeling horrible about myself, became way too trusting of anyone and everyone, and ended up sleeping with a stranger. It made me feel like the most disgusting, piece of garbage and that I deserved to suffer the worst punishment.
I immediately told my boyfriend; I expected he’d leave me right away. Somehow he forgave me, but I cannot forgive myself, even two years later.
But now I’m so jealous and distrustful of my boyfriend that I can’t stand even the time and interest he has in chatting on online forums.
I just want the pain to go away.
The pain comes from within, and has little to do with your boyfriend’s online chatting – since your jealousy, anger and self-loathing are all related to the underlying bipolar disorder which you need to focus on. This disorder and resulting depression are not uncommon, and you can be helped to handle them far better by seeing a therapy specialist. For some people, medications work; for others, behaviour modification or a combination of both is a better approach.
To live with this condition under your control, you must realize that it’s the big picture that matters – i.e. the state of your mood – far more than any one incident, such as your one-time-only mistaken “cheat,” or your boyfriend’s innocent chats.
In your much longer letter you mentioned reading psychotherapist Ronald T. Potter-Efron’s book Rage: A step-by-step guide to overcoming explosive anger. This is an excellent resource to read. However, anyone with a severe problem should expand their research on anger, by seeking professional counselling to learn to deal with it.
Six months ago I paid $1700 to join a private dating service. I signed a contract for one year. So far not one date, and I’m never contacted!
I’m a widow, 64.
I was initially told that I needed some counselling ($80 hourly), to revamp my closet, read books relating to dating, and go to bars to meet men. I was also told the money isn’t refundable.
- No Service
It’s the old adage, consumer beware.
Read the fine print on your contract regarding delivering a date, or at least a contact with a potential date.
If possible and affordable (especially through a friend), have a lawyer’s letter sent to the company about your dissatisfaction and request a refund.
Also, call your local Better Business Bureau office to report the way this has been handled and ask if they’ve had other complaints – this is something consumers should do before signing contracts.
Tip of the day:
When a partner lets circumstances interfere completely with the relationship, it’s time to probe further who’s In and who’s Out.