I have a big crush on my best friend’s ex and she likes him too.
I think she knows I like him, and her ex told me he likes me!!
What Should I Do?
If you didn’t already know the answer, you’d have told him your feelings and you two would be an item.
But you didn’t do this, because you know it’ll hurt your friend deeply.
She’ll feel rejected by both of you, even if she’d previously agreed to their break-up.
A best friend is someone tried and true. A crush is a fantasy… you don’t really know if he’s a guy you can trust and is worth your risking your closest friendship.
I’m betting you’re all in school together, and if you break that “best friend rule” you’ll be the target of negative gossip.
Show the strength of character to stand by your friend.
I recently started online dating because last year I contracted a rare neurological disease that has left me in a wheelchair with metal braces up my legs.
Most guys that I meet in person see me as a burden, or make fun of me.
I met a guy online and we talked and Skyped for hours.
But today my doctor informed me that my disease has spread and could affect my sex life.
I thought it right to say something to him before things got more serious. But midway through our conversation, my phone started to die and I needed to charge it.
When it came back on, I noticed that he’d written me a long message stating that he’d done research on me and that I was lying about being sick.
It astonished me because he’d seen me on Skype.
He’d also seen pictures of me during a recent hospital stay. I didn't understand what "research" he was talking about.
He said that I was the worst catfish of all (Ellie: A “catfish” is someone who pretends to be someone else through some type of Social Media).
He made me cry. I felt miserable, because in person, men run the other way when they see me.
I’d thought this guy was different. Instead, he hurt me more than the others.
How do I get my confidence in online dating back?
You did the right thing in every way. Do not be discouraged by this man’s ugly, mean reaction.
He panicked and went on the attack – revealing his lack of character, honesty, and maturity.
He certainly wouldn’t have been the right man for you once he wasn’t hiding his true personality and weaknesses online.
Your decision to go online is still valid. And being upfront about your illness is necessary.
But remember that large and, especially, free dating sites attract a lot of people, many of whom are ill-equipped to deal with someone brave, thoughtful, and optimistic despite having special needs.
Find a support group for your condition (ask your doctor) and see if there’s a related website for friendships and dating.
Or, on a general dating site, continue to be direct and upfront about your illness, and be sure the person you communicate with understands this.
When you think you’re starting to click with someone, that’s when to mention that there may be sexual difficulties.
Check back with your doctor and ask what is possible sexually. Intimacy may be achieved in different ways, such that your partner can still be sexually satisfied and you can still feel loved.
FEEDBACK Regarding the girl, 17, who has no friends (October 21):
Reader – “As an elementary school teacher, I often read in your column about issues that we see everyday in the classroom and how they present later in life.
“There are many such issues that remain undiagnosed because of fear (stigma, medication prejudices aided and abetted by the media, etc.)
“It seems to me that this girl is “on the spectrum” of autism, and undiagnosed, as so many are.
“There are fantastic resources available such as the Autism Teenage Partnership Program (several Canadian chapters exist in Ontario) that could be helpful to a girl like her.
“Hopefully, the fear and stigma will decrease as knowledge increases.
“Unfortunately what we see on the front lines is still a lot of fear and denial, and refusal to provide help for kids who really need it.
“From personal experience, I can say that the right kind of help makes all the difference!”
Tip of the day:
Don’t risk losing a close friendship and others’ respect for just a “crush.”