My boyfriend and I were supposed to spend the summer together. We made plans to find jobs with similar schedules, bought tickets to fun outdoor concerts, and even put a deposit down on a cottage rental with a group of friends. I was so excited for us to be together the whole summer.
But then his parents surprised him with a two-week trip to Greece as a graduation present. He’s been gone a week and hasn’t contacted me once. He’s in ghost mode on Snapchat, so I can’t even locate him.
My friends are all telling me that he’s dumping me. I can’t believe them! We had plans, and we were good. There were no clues.
What do I do? I can’t think of anything else.
Ghosted in Greece
There’s nothing worse than not knowing. It can eat you up inside. But you also don’t want to chase after someone who doesn’t want you.
I’m assuming you’re connected with his friends. Get in touch with the one who’ll be the most honest with you. Ask him directly if your boyfriend is, in fact, dumping you by disappearing, or if there is a good reason for his going dark.
You’ll know immediately when he responds. If this is indeed your boyfriend’s way of saying goodbye, be thankful he did it now and not after you gave him more of your love.
As for the concerts and cottage trip, trade him tickets so you still get to enjoy; and find a friend to join you at the cottage. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy your summer.
Me and my friends are in our early-mid 30s, and we do a lot of adventurous things together. None of us has particularly expensive taste, and we often end up sharing expenses/splitting bills. It's almost never an issue, especially when we're planning a trip. Everyone wants to pay their way, and we're all established enough that we can afford the things we do.
One member of the group takes this "split everything" attitude into events where she is clearly the host. She just held a party celebrating her boyfriend’s important accomplishment. It was great, she did all the preparation, saying "I'm hosting this party.” It was at her home, and she rented some equipment for an activity we all enjoyed.
The next day, she sent us a group text with the rental cost "per person" and asked us all to pitch in. I was really annoyed! It wasn't a lot of money, and I just sent it to her. But it struck me as cheap and in bad taste to bill all of us for the event she hosted. If she wanted to split the cost, shouldn't she have involved us in the planning?
I think that since we have the means, it would be nicer to treat one another when we're hosting instead of billing each other. I would never ask my friends to reimburse me for groceries and wine when I have them over for dinner! How can I encourage that kind of culture within our group, and especially with this one person?
I agree with you wholeheartedly. Group travel, concert tickets, adventure outings – all split evenly (unless specific circumstances). Dinners out, split.
But hosting a get-together at your own home, you pay the costs.
This woman shouldn’t have charged you after the fact. You’re a good person for having sent her the money. I suggest you host the next get-together. Send out the invite stating clearly that you are the host, this is not a group event, and they are your guests.
Discuss it with the person who you feel is most akin to you in thought, and have them host the next. When it comes back around to this woman, she’ll hopefully have gotten the hint.
FEEDBACK Regarding the daughter who didn’t wish her mom happy Mother’s Day (May 30):
Reader – “I judged my success as a mother by how well I did myself out of a job. This mom needs perspective.
“The daughter is attending university successfully, came home to be with her parents, renewed old friendships, is earning money working hard at a friend’s cottage, and phoned to let her parents know her return would be delayed. I see an academically gifted, considerate, outgoing loyal woman, possibly in a new romantic relationship.
“Maybe she is grappling with life stuff more important to her than buying an overpriced card and flowers for Mother’s Day.
“Maybe she forgot; maybe it was never an important event to her in the past.
“The subtext is that the parents have done a lot for the daughter, financially, and the least the daughter can do is show her gratitude.”