My boyfriend just dumped me, and I am heartbroken. His sole reason was the distance between us. And I get it. It was hard being on different coasts, in different time zones. But I was willing to move out to be with him and give us a try. I told him that the night before he broke up with me.
I’m confused because he seemed so touched by my decision, and we cried together. I thought he was crying out of happiness and the fact that we were making a big commitment. But I realize he was crying because he was about to break my heart.
And, because we’re not physically together, both discussions were over the phone. NOT ideal. Now I don’t know what to do because I had bought a ticket to fly out to surprise him on his birthday, which is in a month. I’d been in cahoots with some of our friends out where he lives, and we were going to surprise him with a small get together.
Do you think I should still go?
Dumped
My answer depends on why he REALLY broke up with you. I don’t think it’s that cut and dry. If he’s lost feelings due to distance, and has started glancing elsewhere, then it’s probably too late and you shouldn’t go. However, if he’s just trying to protect his own emotional and mental health but still loves you and would prefer to be together than not, then you should go. Even if it’s just the last hurrah, an in-person goodbye feels better and gives closure over a phone dump.
Get in touch with your closest friend out there and ask their advice on the situation. You could always just go and spend the weekend with your friends.
My wife recently passed away in a horrifying and tragic accident. She was driving out of town to pick up a puppy she had secured without telling any of us. It was obviously supposed to be a huge surprise, one that we all would have loved.
Unfortunately, the weather was bad, and her car slid on black ice. The car hit a pole hard on the driver’s side and she was instantly killed. When the police arrived, her phone was ringing and they answered to the breeder wondering where my wife was, as she was supposed to arrive an hour earlier.
Two weeks after she died, the breeder showed up at our door with the pup, a cage, a bag of food, treats, toys, water and food bowls. She also never cashed my wife’s deposit cheque, nor charged us for the pup.
We love our little puppy, and I think it’s very helpful for the children to have something to shower love on, and to get back the kind of love only a puppy can give. I’m thrilled to have her. But every time I look at her, I think of why my wife died. I can’t help it.
How do I get over that? And how do I make sure my kids don’t feel the same way?
Devastated by tragedy
It’s barely been a month since you lost your wife unexpectedly. You haven’t had any time to grieve, especially since you have children to parent and help through their loss, not to mention a new puppy. The latter can be a good distraction, in the moment, and I agree that there’s nothing better than puppy love to soften the heart.
But you and your children would benefit from grief counselling. They’ll need help on navigating life without a mother; you’ll need help on single parenting, on being a widower and on separating life from death.
It’s not the puppy’s fault.
FEEDBACK Regarding horny as hell (Jan. 4):
Reader – “You must be receiving an avalanche of emails regarding ‘Horny as hell.’ I can empathize as I’m in the same boat. My husband has been impotent for over 10 years. He refuses to address the problem. I begged him to try Viagra. The night that he used it was a disaster. I don’t know if he took enough or if he took it in time to take effect, it just didn’t work and I had to take matters in my own hands, so to speak.
“Yes, I have toys to alleviate the desire but, I miss being made love to, I miss the afterglow, but most of all I miss the human touch. So, if you publish this piece and ‘Horny as hell’ reads it and wants my email address, I give you my permission to give it to him. I’m wary about dating sites.”
Horny as hell II