At 55, it's been three years since a wonderful union with my common-law wife came to a heart-breaking, abusive ending. In our final year together, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and months later, had a heart attack.

My ability to pleasure a woman with intercourse is now Very Limited.

I'm healthy and active again (biking, tennis, golf). I'm considered handsome, have great work, and make a good income.

But I feel guilty getting involved with women as I feel I'm only wrecking their life, as I won't be able to please them totally, sexually.

So I'm the greatest two-dates-guy, then freeze up for the third date, don't go, make excuses, and end up alone.

I'm lost, blocked. I'm tired of hearing, "Oh, you can't..." then never seeing her again. My doctor says, it's time! She prescribes Cialis and says; "Get out there and get some!"

I want to, but I cannot get over the hurdle of who I once was and who I am today.

Changed Man

When your doctor prescribes a treatment for erectile dysfunction and tells you to go ahead and use it, she's telling you what you seem to be trying not to hear: YOU can solve this problem medically. She's also urging you to understand that the block is now elsewhere on your body than you think.

If you'd had surgery to deal with a medical problem related to another area and function, you'd know that it takes time to heal, physically.

But your past emotional trauma in your relationship has gotten muddled in your mind with your feelings about yourself as a man, physically. You need to un-muddle the two. The ED is specific to the surgery, and can be helped.

Holding back only prolongs your fears and insecurity. A decent, mature woman won't be shocked by the use of ED medication. So listen to your doctor instead of the poor-me tapes in your head.

My fiancé's mother and her husband create problems for him. The husband's an alcoholic, irresponsible, mean, and he's hurt her physically. But whenever we see them as a couple, they act reasonably happy and stable.

However, every few months, his mother calls him at night, crying that she's been abused in some way or another. Then, we're sick with worry about her, despite her insistence we do nothing.

Later, she expects her son to forgive, forget, and accept this man.

Recently, after an incident, she swore she'd sell the house and break up. She stayed with us for several nights.

Now, she's decided to give him another chance.

I've decided, I won't see him or attend family events when he's present. Is this the right approach? My fiancé isn't sure, he feels protective of his mom, but he's worn down.

Upset

Your silent disapproval would put her at further risk with a volatile man. Worse, if her son did the same, it'd be isolating her, and that's when this guy's anger could take free rein.

He and she both need to know she has her son's support as well as his eye on what's happening to her. Her son needs to tell the husband that if he ever hurts his mom again, police will be notified.

Meanwhile, both of you should encourage her to be self-protective, talk about how she CAN manage on her own, and would have great backing from you two. Suggest she go to counselling to probe why she accepts this behaviour.

Is it normal for male and female friends in a platonic relationship to feel some form of chemistry and/or sexual tension?

Confused

It's common and perfectly normal that "friends" start to have feelings for each other. There's only a problem if one or both are already in a committed relationship or, if they're both single, that only one side feels this way.

It's best to proceed slowly rather than just blurt out your feelings. Make sure the "chemistry" isn't just in your imagination, or the cause of some outside stimulus.

But if it becomes obvious that there's sexual tension between you both, then start the discussion. Be prepared that, if there's no mutual response, you may need to take some distance from each other.

Also, if one or both of you have a partner, recognize that you're about to embark on a difficult path that can turn out much harder than you imagined.