Six years after leaving an abusive marriage, I fell in love and married a very handsome man. I felt I had to compete with his numerous female friends and now after 11 years into the marriage, I'm emotionally drained.

I tried to indicate to him via talking and e-mails that I cannot cope with his extra friends, but he ignored my pleas and still continued with what he enjoyed the most, which is to seek, and be glorified by, many women's attention showered on him.

With great sorrow and tears, I feel my heart is now out of the marriage, and even though he wants to pursue me now, I cannot jump back in.

Am I wrong in wanting to explore a new love and letting my marriage slide away?

Finished

If the "new love" is already a reality and not just a hopeful wish, you've already left the marriage and are trying to justify it. If that's the case, why bother, you don't want to stay.

Also, you don't make it clear whether he was actually cheating. I do understand that his having a huge need for female attention could cause you insecurity and annoyance. Yet, he seems to still love/want you.

Now that you do have his attention, consider giving him a last chance. Suggest couples' counselling to help him understand why you felt pushed away all those years. It may get you both working on the marriage, and if not, you'll know you were at least heard.

My mother has become increasing hostile towards my boyfriend, especially because we see each other everyday. I'll go over after work and we'll have dinner, or we go for walks, or hang out with another couple.

Because of her negativity, we aren't at my house often. She thinks I don't have a life because of him. I try to devote time at home doing housework to make her happy, but whatever I do doesn't seem to be enough. Does she just miss me being at home? Or could there be underlying reasons?

My boyfriend wants me to enjoy myself and do what I want. My mom seems to want me to do what's best for her, and doesn't listen when I say that's not what I want.

I don't want to have to move out to run my own life. Is it possible?

Fed Up

There are normal transitions between a parent and older child who's in a relationship... but the tensions become abnormal when both of you fail to talk about it openly.

No, you can't live at home and expect to have full independence; she has a right to some expectations (doing some housework is a good response). But she's wrong, and foolish too, to just put up a wall, and you need to tell her that's what's pushing you to stay away even more.

Listen to the reasons she has for not liking your boyfriend, and then dispute where she's wrong. She may be seeing something in him you do not, OR she may be imposing her own past on your present. If you think this, say so, and note how unfair it is.

Tell her she'll get a lot further with you, in terms of guidance, if she gets to know him better and can be a helpful influence on you both.

But if the hostility persists, and you love the guy, start thinking of how to plan to live on your own.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man blaming himself for his wife's distance because he did his own thing, leaving her to take care of the house (June 27):

Reader #1 - "The wife shares some responsibility for the deterioration of the marriage, too. It was her responsibility to tell him she needed his help right from the start. That's my two cents as someone who's divorced."

Reader #2 - "He should ask her if she thinks she could get over it, if he promised to do ALL the housework and cooking for six months or a year. Either she'll have stars in her eyes, or she'll make excuses and file for a divorce.

But if she sees him experiencing how difficult it is to do "women's' work" for an extended period of time, her hard feelings towards him may start to soften and she may start to see him in a new light."