I've been dating someone for three years. Originally we were just good friends and developed into dating. Even though I know she'll make a great wife and mother, I don't feel love and excitement to marry her.

Could I marry her on the assumption that love will develop after living together, and can turn into a happy marriage? As unusual as it may sound, it is presently only a platonic relationship.

Uncertain

As if marriage weren't difficult enough through life's many changes and surprises, marrying someone without feeling love and excitement certainly adds another element of unpredictability.

That said, many arranged marriages have worked through the ages, based mostly on common values, family support, and acceptance of that tradition.

And many friendships do develop into lasting love. However, to merely hope that happens is NOT enough. Wait. Do NOT slide into a marriage because of social pressure. Give yourself at least six months to see if this relationship grows deeper, before seriously considering the long-term future.

Or take a break, and discover whether you miss each other as more than friends.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. He's 41; I'm 35. I found him to be loyal, generous, romantic, ambitious in his career, affectionate, accountable, organized, hard working. Things are wonderful and we became very close.

He makes time to visit me everyday after work and all through the weekends; calls and texts me everyday. We've taken trips out of town together, he tells me how much he loves me, misses me, thinks about me, we hug, cuddle, kiss, hold hands, and he's talked about getting engaged and married by next year.

However, he mentioned he has a secret to tell me only after we get married. Recently, while folding his clothes, I came across a legal form in his pocket that stated his marital status as divorced.

When we first met through friends, he and they confirmed that he's single, never married, no kids. Friends say he's a good man and is afraid to lose me. I feel trapped and now believe he is not honest. Should I confront him?

Shocked

Ask questions. There's a reason why he's not told you, but he was foolish to hold back till "after marriage." It suggests way too much fear about your reaction, and you need to know why.

Listen carefully, and - since he was secretive - insist on proof of what he's saying. Perhaps it was a brief marriage of convenience to help someone... or there's some other acceptable explanation. But you cannot condone his deceit. Slow down, three months is still early dating.

My boyfriend and me have been dating for seven months and he is a huge partier. He swears up and down he isn't cheating but while we've been dating, he was planning on going to a concert with another girl.

He also told a girl he loved her but he said it was a joke. He's called other girls "cute" in front of me before.

I don't know what to do, all I do is cry and cry, and I make myself sick over it.

Hopeless

HE may be hopeless but YOU aren't. Show him, and yourself, that you won't be treated like a fool.

He may not be physically cheating, but he's leading other girls on, and showing disrespect for you and your relationship. If you accept this, you set a pattern in which he may eventually feel he can get away with full-on cheating. Break up.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person whose co-worker frequently criticized him to the boss (June 29):

Reader - "More than one email back to his co-worker - thanking her for her vigilance, only - with all bosses copied, is sufficient. Any more, and the strategy may backfire.

"As a senior executive, I don't welcome these all-too-common email squabbles and, ultimately, they're a black mark against all involved. Address it, instead, in an annual performance review.

"Since the co-worker's soon retiring, it may be that the company tolerates the obnoxious behaviour rather than tackle it with an expensive dismissal. "Micromanaged" will be viewed much more favourably if s/he doesn't emulate the habit of copying the bosses with these tedious emails.

"Transparent one-upmanship is not a practice that is viewed favourably in most companies. And no more treks to HR with the same complaint. It's highly likely the critical emails are being deleted, unread."