I’ve been dating this person over the internet for five months. He seems so perfect that I became wary.

He sent me pictures which I searched on Google and there were no other images like it. My concern is that he refuses to video chat.

He says he’s too self-conscious, also that his phone got stolen. He said he bought a replacement, but the shipping order was messed up so he didn't bother to get another one.

He’s using an older phone, which only has a back camera, oddly enough.

I like him a lot but I'm afraid he's a catfish. What should I do?

Still Wary

Throw him back to the sea of Internet scammers from which he comes.

Your instinct has already told you he’s deceiving you about who he really is.

No one actively involved on the Internet lives without a phone. Five months is too long for such excuses.

End the contact before he involves you in some deeper scam.

Then start getting out, away from your computer. Meet new people and get to know them in person before you again consider that you’re “dating” someone.

My husband lies. He lies about things I’ve seen him do and says it was something else. He has a fantastic memory until I remind him of a hurt he inflicted and then he can't remember much.

We married at 18, had our first son at 18, our second at 20. We’ve been married for 46 years.

He did hurtful things and I let them slide (no affairs that I know of anyway). I’d just get too tired to keep bickering about them.

He retired 10 years ago and we travel to California where we lived for 20 years, and now visit with our son and daughter-in-law, and friends we have there.

It’s a great life we both enjoy. We have a large home and a cottage on a lake. We’re very comfortable financially.

But he embarrasses me. I caught him and my sister hugging in a clinch three times, twice in our house and the third time in a bar.

Now he says it only happened when he was hugging her goodbye. (b.s. - nobody was going anywhere).

I want to leave him, I’m so unhappy.

Another time, he and the hostess of a party disappeared behind a locked bathroom door.

I pounded on the door but later he said he was in there but never heard the pounding. I feel like a bigger fool than him for staying.

I’ve lost respect for him and myself. We’re 64 and my sister’s 70, but she’s always been very vain.

Tired Wife

He’s an unapologetic flirt, but there’s no evidence of a full-on affair. It puts you in an uncomfortable position of either accepting the life which you enjoy in every other aspect, or leaving him and going it alone.

Tell him so.

Say that, if you leave, life changes for both of you. One of you must live elsewhere, and the cottage divided. Visiting your son will have to be on alternate time, likely hurtful for all of you.

Tell him you can’t tolerate his flirting, nor his lies, nor clinches between him and your sister (which may be more her doing but he does let it happen).

Be clear that, if he doesn’t discuss this with you and make some changes, he’s facing a divorce.

Suggest that the only other option is to go to couples’ counselling together.

I'm in my early 20s, with a promiscuous background.

Besides hooking up with girls at my college, I’d occasionally hire escorts.

I've been tested and practiced safe sex, so I'm clean. I genuinely want to date and maybe have relationships, but feel reluctant due to my guilt.

Will women accept my past or consider me a loser? Is what I did normal? Should I disclose this information?

New Beginning

It’s likely that your reputation will follow you, so your first foray into the dating scene has to be squeaky clean. Try one of the ways to meet people in a healthy, interest-based way, e.g. through community sports, music or www.meetup.com.

Get to know women as friends first. Don’t make moves too early. If you like someone, explain that you had your wilder days, but now have a sincere desire to date and eventually have a relationship.

It’s far more “normal” to mature beyond promiscuity.