I'm 19, recently split my first serious boyfriend. We dated for four months, beginning as casual sex partners. Our feelings grew. But he wanted to take things slow.

I was loyal, yet he used me, and cheated. I stood by him when my friends and family said to leave.

We broke up because he was “fed up with” my lack of motivation. But I was stressed and overwhelmed - trying to lose weight, finding a house for my roommates and myself, and figuring out school.

After the break-up, I tried to fix what I’d broken. I smothered, irritated, and nagged him, until he said he's done and gone.

I'm now getting my priorities and life together, and leaving him alone. But I’ve got ideas that, if we reconciled, would eliminate negativity from our relationship.

How can I get him back?

Love of My Life

Back off completely. Instead, keep dealing with “priorities” – navigating school, settling on accommodation, and feeling good about yourself.

Your “first” may feel like the love of your life, but he was only a brief trial run. He’s finished. Your “ideas” will just seem more irritating and nagging.

You’re too young to hang onto someone who cheated, judged you, and didn’t stick around. This can’t be fixed.

I’ve lived with my husband for six years without arguments.

My in-laws moved in with us seven months ago, due to my FIL’s bankruptcy, and severe illness.

My husband has financially supported his parents for 10 years. I’d witnessed his parents’ uncontrolled spending at bars and casinos.

My FIL now receives disability benefits, his health’s improved, and he’s collecting rent from the house he owns.
But both in-laws have no healthy boundaries, are extremely rude, and racist.

I’m from another country and do things differently. It’s never been an issue with my husband.

But his parents immediately changed our furniture by bringing in all of theirs. The pantry, kitchen, fridge all got re-arranged because they don’t like my cooking.

My MIL brought all her pots, pans, and dishes, even a THIRD (personal) refrigerator, because she “doesn’t want her food to taste like mine.”

It looks like a junkyard and doesn’t feel like our home anymore.

All the house changes were done when I’ve been out working.

I’ve told my husband repeatedly about my discomfort, and that they want control of the house.

He says I need to be more direct with them, but it’s like talking to a wall. He’s stressed about finances and I know this conversation will add more stress.

I want to leave the house and my marriage, but it’s unfair, since external issues have damaged our formerly good relationship.

I love him dearly, but I feel very alone.

Tired Loving Wife

He said, “Talk directly,” so do so… to your husband. You’re being pushed out of your own home. His parents are in a better position now, and should move back to their house (with support), or sell it and move somewhere they can manage.

Or, they’ll destroy your marriage.

Battling this alone and building huge resentment is no way to avoid stressing your husband. He needs to recognize how explosive the situation’s become.

He married you partly because you’re different from his rude, controlling parents. He MUST stand up for you, and your lifestyle and independent choices together.

He can give them six months notice of either moving things back as they were, and observing some clear boundaries and house rules, OR he helps move them elsewhere.

I met a girl online, and we've been talking for a year. We like each other. But she still doesn't want to meet up. We're only about 20 minutes from each other, but she says she’s too shy.

I don't mind waiting. I just need to know that something will come out of this relationship. She doesn't promise that. When I suggest meeting up, she says no, or changes the subject. What should I do?

Uncertain

She’s sending the Big Clue, and it’s not positive. This girl could be a chatty 12-year-old, or a boy, or a lonely older woman or man enjoying the fantasy.

“Shyness” is a phony excuse after a year of chatting, especially when living close by.

This isn’t for real. Tell her you realize this, and end the contact. If she then insists on meeting, make sure it’s in a public place, in case of all the possibilities above.