I’m a 24-year-old guy living with my girlfriend and in love for the first time. But I have a terrible feeling that I’m going to be dumped.

She’s 23, and we’re living in a different country from where we’re both from but hadn’t met before.

We both work for a big organization where every day’s interesting and we hit it off right away. We have a lot in common, like our love of travel, and go on weekend trips whenever possible.

I started to get the uncomfortable feeling when she first mentioned her former boyfriend, how he wanted to move here when she did. But he was going for a post-graduate degree, so she said she encouraged him to finish it.

A couple months ago, she said he might be coming here to visit. I’m not sure if he did but there was a weekend soon after when she said that she and an old girlfriend were meeting at some natural spa for “just females,” and I couldn’t come along.

I’m not just imagining things. I’ve had girlfriends but she’s my first serious love... I could picture us being together for the future.

Now she’s asked me to move out. She says he’s finished school, came to see what’s available for him here, and found a research job. She says she needs to try it out, them being together again.

She says she’s confused, it may not work out, they’ve both changed, she still loves me but she knew him first, there may still be a chance for us, etc.

To me, that now means we’re ending. What can I do to prevent that? Should I embarrass myself and even try?

Already Dumped?

This is a classic First Love story - the excitement of living away from home, the freedom of living with a lover. Some such storied romances last... but more don’t.

It was too soon for her to make long-term promises to you when she had a former lover on standby. She wasn’t truly open with you about him. She wanted to choose, and she has.

Consider this an experience instead of a dumping. You’re still living an adventure of interesting work and accessible travel, and you’ve been lucky to have experienced love.

Why “lucky” if it’s over now?

You have to know what love feels like to give it to another unconditionally, and to grow it together. Move on, and it’ll happen for you next time.

 

My wife and I are in our 70's. I have asthma. We recently attended a backyard pool party where another adult guest, by choice unvaccinated, was present.

We exchanged hugs unmasked, as we were unaware of her vaccine status, mistakenly assuming that she’d been jabbed because of her job.

Our host knew this fact but didn’t inform us until the other guest had left. Am I right in feeling disappointed with our host? Should the other guest have informed us before we hugged?

Uncomfortable/Annoyed

Yes, the host should’ve mentioned her status, based on your compromised health, e.g., when you were invited. You wouldn’t have hugged and may’ve decided not to attend. That would’ve been fair between friends.

The divide between the vaccinated and the unvaccinated-by-choice isn’t easily handled since emotions and health are involved. An anti-vaxxer already has their own position and the right to it. So, there’s little interest in stating status because they’re not worrying about your health. That’s up to you. Ask questions of future hosts.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mother who’s fearing “a bad outcome” for her envious, angry, self-centered, 20-year-old daughter whose older siblings have all been successful (July 30):

Reader – “Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do. Peer pressure and “friends” have major influence on who young people become. Also, the oldest child grew up in a different environment from the youngest child. Imagine being 20 in 2018 vs. in 2020.

“Be firm with love and support while not giving in to unacceptable behavior or drug/alcohol abuse. Leave the invitation open to assisting with counselling.

“Today’s 20-year-olds are still trying to “find themselves.” A lot of maturing occurs during their early 20s.  I’ve seen an early 20-something leave home (her mother “didn’t know anything”) only to return 18 months later and readily accept all house rules.

“The daughter is now attending post-secondary education, on a path to a good career, and she is totally drug/alcohol free.”