My boyfriend and I have a great, healthy, loving relationship.

He has a handicapped brother for whom he does everything. However, I’ve learned that the brother’s physically and mentally capable to do almost everything. He’s just lazy. Both brothers are early-30s, both working.

My boyfriend says he helps his brother because he doesn't want his mother to do it all. But I see his brother using his handicap as an excuse for people to do everything (i.e. buying him food, warming up his food, administering his medication, giving him juice).

My boyfriend says if he doesn't feed him, he won't eat. He complains that he doesn't have a life because of caring for his brother, yet he doesn't do anything to better the situation.

I feel like when we move in, or get married, or when his parents pass away, my boyfriend and I will have to do everything.

I feel I should say something now for our future's sake, or at least for the sake of his next relationship.

Scary Future

There’s complicated family history – a mother’s pain at her son’s disability, a son’s possible guilt feelings as the able-bodied child, a disabled man’s dependencies.

It’s too emotionally layered for you to be able to change easily. Labelling him “lazy” will reap resentment, casting you as the bad outsider.

Talk with your boyfriend about how to deal with the future, whether his brother will need a paid caregiver (if that’s affordable), or whether there are things he can be encouraged now to manage on his own.

If your boyfriend balks, or feels it’s not your business, this relationship likely won’t last.

Your feeling of his “using his handicap” will divide you, even if it’s a factor in their dynamic.

There’s a guy I see at work once or twice a week. He teases and mimics me. Once, he purposely ran into me and said he wasn’t afraid to run me over. Sometimes he’ll just stare at me.

After talking, he’ll stand there a minute or two and just stare and smile. Other times, we don't even say two words to each other.

Does he like me or is he just being nice? Am I overreacting about the whole thing?

Signs of Interest

Don’t make something out of nothing much. When people “like” someone, they usually make it clearer than an occasional stare or offbeat comment.

He may just be acknowledging you as a co-worker he sees periodically. Or, he’s so painfully shy, he can’t say more.

It’s no basis for imagining more. Especially if you have no idea if he’s “attached.”

When my mother passed, my sister took control of her finances. After the funeral was paid, there was money left to pay for a headstone.

My brothers and I kept asking her to arrange for the headstone, but she made excuses like everyone having to agree on the inscription.

Over the next couple of years, I tried to convince her to part with the money, but she’s now saying that our mother was the black sheep of the family, and she was a pedophile who doesn’t deserve a headstone. She said she’s spent the money and there’s nothing I or anyone else can do about it.

Is there any legal advice I could get on this matter?

Abuse of Funds

Talk to a lawyer.

However, since this should also be about the disrespect to your late mother, besides the missing money, get your other siblings to join you in buying a simple headstone.

FEEDBACK Regarding the older woman whose widower boyfriend’s daughter won’t accept her (May 29):

Reader – “I’m so sad that adult children can't accept their older parents’ dating lives.

“Imagine a parent trying to dictate the dating life of a divorced 30 or 40-year-old! We wouldn't stand for it.

“Our father started dating less than a year after our mother passed away, and with our blessing. He was lonely, and grown daughters’ visiting doesn’t fill that void after over 51 years of marriage and companionship.

“His lady-friend is a lovely person, and her children have been kind to, and appreciative of, our father.

“Recently, her daughter convinced Dad to get to a doctor when he didn't realize he was so ill. Her frequent visits gave him a lift when he was in hospital. We’re glad for this connection, and we don't think this means Dad loved our Mother any less.”