My sister is a non-existent aunt to my three-year-old daughter and I don’t have any idea why. She married about six years before me, had two children fairly quickly, and is now divorced but happily with a new partner. I married but took a few years to get pregnant. Her daughter is now 11, and her son, nine. They love my daughter and always want to visit and play with her.

We get together often as family, including our parents, and our brother and his family. I see how my sister is with my brother’s kids…. She’s not overly affectionate or doting, but she’s caring, involved and present.

She’s none of the above with my daughter. She barely acknowledges her, ignores my daughter’s attempts to play or get her attention, and shows her zero affection.

What’s the story here?

Cold Aunt

I don’t know…… have you asked her? It won’t be an easy conversation, and there isn’t a great segue, but if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. Maybe she doesn’t even realize she’s acting that way, will be mortified, and completely change her behaviour. On the other hand, maybe there’s something deep within her that is triggered by your daughter.

Some readers might wonder why I don’t suggest asking your brother or parents first. Here’s why – because it will inevitably get back to your sister and she’ll be defensive that you went behind her back. It’s not worth it and will shift the focus.

The most important element here is that your daughter NEVER thinks she in any way caused her aunt to behave as she currently is.

I met a girl on the first day in my geography class at high school. We’ve tried to sit beside each other every class since. We giggle and enjoy the class together. I never bump into her in the halls, so I think our schedules are totally opposite. We have a project to do and were thrilled when we found out we were assigned to the same group.

Now she’s asked me to sleep over on the weekend so we can work on the project together. For some reason, it made me really uncomfortable and now things are awkward between us.

How do we get back that fun friend feeling?

Geo girls

There’s a piece of this story that’s missing and I can only surmise that it has to do with sexuality and sexual preference. If I’m going down the wrong path, then I apologize, but it seems to me to be the missing piece.

Without more information, I can only make assumptions. Are you uncomfortable because you think the girl has a romantic interest in you, and you don’t have reciprocal feelings?? If so, then decline the sleepover invitation, but agree to an afternoon work session with lots of fun time.

You may be right in your gut instinct, but you could be wrong and you don’t want to offend her either way.

Is it possible to fall back in love with someone you’ve fallen out of love with? My common-law wife and I are out of sync. From the minute we wake up through to nighttime, we just don’t have anything to say to each other. I’ve recently retired, which makes it all worse because I have nowhere to go.

I’m thinking of leaving her. Thoughts?

Bored

Imagine how she feels! You’ve retired and are now home 24/7. Of course, you have nothing to talk about. You don’t do anything! Get yourself a hobby, volunteer, find a sport or activity and get out of the house! Try that for a month and see what happens.

If you still feel the same, go with her to a marriage counsellor before throwing in the towel.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose friend is jealous of everything (Sept. 25):

Reader – “I think that there is a very simple explanation. What this young woman is trying to do is be relatable to those around her through ‘humble bragging.’  She is aware of her privileges and is trying to minimize them by saying she is jealous of (this, that, or the other thing). If the writer could gently confront her friend with this notion, perhaps the superficial claims of jealousy would cease.”

 

FEEDBACK Regarding the boyfriend who doesn’t want to have sex anymore (Sept. 26):

Reader #1 – “There could be one other reason: the girlfriend might have really bad breath. My husband did, many years ago for a number of years. After he had surgery to remove his infected parathyroid glands, his breath was OK again.”

Reader #2 – “What is this girl not understanding?!? He’s just not into you anymore. It’s over.”