I’ve been dating my girlfriend for one year, after I went through a bitter, expensive divorce. She’s never married, is beautiful, smart, and independent. 

We love each other, and my daughter, 7, adores her. But she’s in her late-30s, and wants to marry and have a child together, while I’m mid-40s and don’t want all that again. I told her this going in, but we’ve gotten too happy for her to accept my limitations on the future.

I know I’ll hate to lose her and our terrific relationship. But shouldn’t I end it now, before I hurt her even more?

- Not Budging

Oh sure, you can carry on with a rigid approach to life, and keep ending every relationship that seems too happy. Or you can recognize the many gifts she brings to your life, and that every good relationship requires give and take. 

Consider your own contributions to whatever went wrong in your first marriage, then, see it as a life lesson that can lead to better ways to handle this great second chance.

Once you truly face yourself in the mirror – and all your fears – you should talk to her about the things that worry you about re-marrying and how you two can best meet those challenges together.

You may need a professional counsellor to help you both air this out, so you can go forward with realistic, positive expectations. It’s certainly worth a try.

I’ve been re-married to a farmer for 12 years; we’re mid-50s, our respective children are grown. 

I worked full-time for many years and have many hobbies, but life on the farm is so boring, it’s driving me nuts!

Because of labour shortages, my husband works from sunup to sundown and beyond, seven days a week. I help as much as I can, but I can’t see us doing this for more decades.

We live two hours from town.

Any suggestions, other than calling it quits? I love the man but not his farm.

- Rural Restlessness

Loving the man makes every option worth discussing. 

Of course, the economy dictates some limits, but the creative minds of a loving couple can trump many barriers. Consider starting your own home-based small business or doing part-time work from home, so you can afford to hire someone to relieve hubby (the economy will also have more people looking for jobs).

You may also want to spend money you earn on occasional weekend getaways together.

Your husband should also look into possibilities of joining forces with other local farmers in a similar situation, to see if the power of greater numbers can bring in more money/more help.

Think about making the present more pleasant, not about the “decades” ahead, since one thing is obvious in today’s world: Things change. People have to be flexible, and pool their strengths, in order to deal with change. Lucky you, to have a partner you love to help you adapt.

My mother insists I make my bed, though every night I mess it up again. I’m 14, and think it’s my room to keep as I please. Her silly rules don’t make sense to me.

- Daily Fights

Her house, her rules. Mom’s job is to prepare you for living on your own someday, when you’re responsible enough to do so. She wants order in her home, but is also teaching you order in life. Respect her for it, even if you disagree.

I’m a mid-30’s female looking to restart my life with someone special, but unsure how. The men I meet have a problem with communication. They don’t know how to say, “I’m not interested," or otherwise. This leaves me confused about where I stand. 

Where does one find that special someone? And then, how to keep the lines of communication open?

- Stumped

It’s not all up to the male communication skills, you have an equal opportunity to send encouraging messages. 

If you find someone interesting and attractive in the early-dating period, communicate this without turning on the pressure. Be upbeat when together and get him talking about himself and his interests by showing genuine interest.

Once you feel he’s “special,” show willingness to compromise where you find differences between you. BUT don’t expect to “restart” your life; instead, look to enrich it by doing the work needed for a great relationship.