I’m 42, mother of three, and married to a wonderful husband. I know he loves me. But we have no sex life.

He’s never turned on. He says he just has no desire. Very rarely, when he tries for my sake, he cannot get an erection. His doctor prescribed Viagra, but he hardly uses it.

I’m healthy, attractive, and very much in the mood. He’ll say he’s “tired, busy, not today.”

I sometimes think an affair would be best for me! I get admiring glances from other men, but mine’s happy with a hug and cuddle. It’s been like this for ten years.

Frustrated Too Long

Sorry, but until he seeks professional help and brings you along to understand what’s causing the problem, he does not fully “love” you.

He may want to stay married to you, but his love is limited to what suits him, not both of you.

Tell him this. Do not accept his “excuses” any longer. Go again, together, to see his doctor for a thorough medical check, and a sex therapist, too. You may also need marital counselling in case there’s something he’s not yet revealed.

Unless you both discuss and agree, that it’s okay if things don’t change, and also okay for you to have affairs, this marriage will implode.

I’m recently divorced, after a seven-year relationship where I was cheated on repeatedly.

I've been in a new relationship for eight months. However, his ex won’t stop contacting him.

Phone calls, texts, emails, saying how they’re meant to be together, and he and I are just a fling. She and her friends also send me nasty text messages.

He promised he wouldn't respond, but I know he answers her emails and lies to me about it. She claims he sees her or talks to her while I'm at work.

Hounded by his Ex

Change your contacts and insist that he do the same. If he won’t, and you still believe he responds to her, this isn’t a healthy relationship for you, after breaking up with a cheater.

This man may not be physically cheating, yet… but he doesn’t draw emotional boundaries with an intrusive, stalking ex. That indicates he likes being “wanted” by her.

If he won’t end contact, you’ll end up as uncomfortable and insecure with him as you were with your own ex.

I’m a recovering alcoholic (sober 18 months this past weekend). I met a man while I was in rehab (against everything they teach you). We fell in love, graduated together, and became engaged.

He’s relapsed many times since and we’re no longer engaged. At first I didn't see the signs, but now I know when he’s drinking.
He’s once again 30 days sober, going to meetings, and has a sponsor.
He’s very convincing about wanting to really do it this time. I want to believe him. But, each time, another piece of my heart breaks when he relapses.

Been There

Wish him well. You need to protect yourself from not falling down that hole again. Let him go his own way of recovery, for a year.

You’re his “crutch” - the person he leans on to fool both of you. He needs to stop drinking for himself. It won’t happen if he knows you’ll always take him back.

Work on your own life, and build your strengths to stay on your sober path.

Tell him you care about him, and that’s why he needs to do this on his own, not just to win your short-term approval.

Where can I meet single ladies, and strike up a conversation?

I suffer AS (Asperger's syndrome), a form of autism characterized by mild-to-severe social impairment, so I have poor approaching/social skills with women.

I’m not looking for online dating lines as these have proved to be big busts for me. One week, I sent 100s of messages and got no reply!

Poor Communicator

Practice chatting with women whom you know as friends and family. “New” women aren’t that different - they want to feel comfortable when approached, not be hit on too directly, or asked too personal questions.

Anywhere you go where people are doing some activity – e.g. a community event or special interest course – the activity is the topic to discuss casually. It’s not the time to introduce your condition; just get a conversation going.  Focus on making a friend rather than securing a date… there’s less pressure on both sides.