My sister has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for over a year. They are so cute together and seem really in love. My sister thinks that he’s the one and is hoping to get engaged sooner than later. I love him and think he’s wonderful. And our parents really like him as well. He’s kind and respectful to them and helps wherever possible.

We have an older brother who lives abroad but knows my sister’s boyfriend through friends of friends. Up until now, without spending much time with him, he’s liked him from the past.

However, my brother just called to tell me that he’s almost positive that the boyfriend is cheating on our sister. And he’s tasked me with figuring it out and exposing him. I don’t know how to do that! And I don’t want to be the one who bursts my sister’s happy bubble.

What if my brother is wrong? Then I’m putting everyone through hell for no reason. My brother says I should check his phone, which could be easier than you imagine. We have a “phone bowl” at the dinner table, and we often do this thing where we grab any phone and open it to the last photo. It’s just a laugh that our family has with each other, and since we don’t have secrets from each other, it’s never been an issue.

I could grab his phone and sneak a peek at his texts while “looking” for a photo. What do you think?

Outing

Morally, no, you shouldn’t try that. And practically, you wouldn’t have time to look at all his texts if you were supposed to just be opening his photos app. So, he could catch on pretty quickly. However, his reaction to you picking up his phone may speak volumes.

If he’s easygoing and laughs at the family fun, then perhaps your brother is misinformed. If, on the other hand, the boyfriend balks at you looking at his photos, you may have more reason to be suspicious.

Either way, your brother needs to be more than “almost” positive before you potentially blow this loving relationship up into a million pieces. Tell him to get more information if he really believes it.

I know you both want to protect your sister, and that’s commendable, but not at the risk of destroying a healthy relationship.

My boyfriend’s brother is the most noncommunicative human I have ever met. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and I can’t get a word out of this guy! I have tried over drinks, at dinner, I even asked him on a walk once. But nothing.

I gave up the in-person relationship and now resort to text. I don’t need him to be my friend, but I do need him to respond to basic questions, such as, would you like to come for dinner tomorrow night? Or will you be at the family Christmas party?

I’ve asked my boyfriend, but he doesn’t know why his brother is like that. They never speak, never go out, and only get together when someone else makes it happen.

How can I break through?

Cold Sib

Why is it so important to you to befriend this person? He and your boyfriend aren’t that close, so it’s not as if the lack of friendship would affect their relationship.

And if he doesn’t respond to text invitations, then consider him as not attending. If he shows up, that’s on him.

If it’s really bothering you, you could speak with his partner, if he has one. But really, I think you need to just let it go. He’s not interested in you.

(I didn’t mention mental health issues because I would imagine that your boyfriend would have shared that with you).

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who can’t understand her friend on the phone (Sept. 1):

Reader – “As a suggestion to the woman who can’t understand her friend on the phone, I had the same problem, so we started using FaceTime.  It worked well as you are face to face again.”

Lisi – Great idea!

FEEDBACK Regarding the friends who changed plans (Sept. 1):
Reader – “Perhaps the event the other sibs went to instead was indoors. If you’re not a lover of hanging out in the rain, it’s a legitimate backup plan.”

Reader #2 – “Was this a house party? Yes, they went to
the party instead of the outdoor festival, but they were in no danger of getting wet if it rained while they were inside. That was the point.”

Lisi – I think the complaining sisters were more upset about the secrecy than the rain.