I have a friend who has everything: her parents both passed away and left her with so much money, that she could sit on her porch eating lobster for the rest of her life, and her kids’ lives and their kids’ lives, if she so wanted. She lives in a big, beautiful house. She honestly never has to lift a finger.

She has a gorgeous cottage on an island with every toy imaginable, from paddleboards to surf boats, and a staff who take care of everything for her when she’s not there. And she recently purchased a home in another country as her family’s getaway spot.

And yet – she wants to talk all the time about how everything is so hard for her. She complains that she doesn’t have time to get from yoga to the grocery store and pick up her kid, so there’s no food in the house. But I know that she often sends one of her nannies to the store for her. I have seen the nanny in the store!

She complains that she has so much to do to get her kid ready for school/camp/gymnastics – everything that every other mother must do - because she can’t run around from store to store. But she doesn’t work, like most “other” mothers, and she has money and staff to burn. I know for a fact that her nannies do everything because I’ve been over at her house and have seen them working.

I get very tired of her woe is me attitude when I’m struggling to keep a roof over my children’s head, while working two jobs and supporting my husband who recently fell and broke his pelvis and can’t work.

How should I open her eyes to the rest of the planet?

No balance

It is not your place to open her eyes, as you put it. She is living her reality, and you are living yours. Unfortunately, you are worlds apart. That doesn’t make either of you better than the other.

I can understand and empathize with you that her complaints are falling on the wrong ears if she’s looking for empathy. And I can only imagine how it must hurt you when you would happily take her so-called problems over yours.

As her friend, you can tell her that you are sorry that she is finding mothering to be exhausting and hard work. You probably agree that it is indeed hard work. But then you have every right to tell her that you are suffering right now and don’t have the bandwidth to entertain her issues. Tell her what’s going on in your life, how you feel worlds’ apart from her, and maybe complaining to each other isn’t the best way to maintain your friendship.

If she’s a true friend, she will understand. If not, she will continue being self-involved, and you’ll probably drift.

FEEDBACK Regarding nutritionally challenged (April 29):

Reader #1 – “The partner’s over-interest in his girlfriend’s food choices is concerning. It’s fine for him to be passionate, even obsessive, about his own health but it’s best to lead by example rather than by sermons.  Unless she and/or her father are very overweight or borderline diabetic, the occasional bread and jam shouldn’t even be on his radar.  It’s not as if they’re getting sloshed on noon-hour martinis.

“This is a boundary issue, and unless she finds his finger-wagging helpful for keeping her eating on a healthy track, she should let him know he’s in a no-go zone.  Having someone police your food choices gets old fast because I doubt she wants to be in a parent/child relationship with her husband-to-be.”

Reader #2 – “The dad said he was ‘a fitness guru and nutritionist who works crazy hours as a paramedic.’   You then suggested that because the fellow was a nutritionist, it was reasonable for him to be concerned about what his girlfriend and her dad were eating for lunch.

“I can guarantee you that the fellow is not a nutritionist, which is a regulated health profession, and usually done on a full-time basis.  He may very well have an interest in nutrition, but that does not make him a nutritionist.

“Her dad didn’t describe his qualification accurately, and this was reinforced in your answer.

“I doubt there is a real nutritionist out there who would be upset with a dad and his adult daughter bonding over jam and bread every once in a while, at lunch.

“And I’m not getting any warm fuzzies about a guy that would make a big issue out of this with people whom he presumably cares for.”