We’re a group of five women who met when pregnant with our first children. Between us we have 12 kids, eight dogs and four husbands, going on two decades of friendship. We’ve tried for years to do a massive family trip, but the kids are in several different school systems and one family lives in another province. It’s been impossible to find a free week that works for everyone.
We’ve decided we need a girl’s vacation. The kids aren’t babies and will have their fathers; even the divorced one can rely on her ex while she’s away.
But one woman feels we’re being selfish and unkind to the men. How can we convince her otherwise, enough that she’ll join us and have fun?
You are being selfish – but in a good way. We all need to participate in self-care and if you women feel you can afford the time and expense, then I say go for it!
Take into consideration that the woman worried about leaving her husband is also having marital issues. The trip is far enough away that whatever course her marriage takes, she’ll reap the benefits of a break.
Show her love and support, and understanding of her trepidation. If her kids are similar age to yours, set up some fun activities for the dads while you’re away, maybe even a sleepover.
If the guys are all friends, ask your husband to help by talking to her husband. Worst case scenario, the rest of you go without her.
FEEDBACK Regarding the letter from Concerned Friend (June 17):
Reader - “In my early 20’s, back in 1962, I was more than a virgin. I didn’t even know the very basic facts of sex. I had never had a boyfriend. My mother wasn’t comfortable with discussing anything. We lived a fairly isolated life and I had no close girlfriends in high school. The internet didn’t become a reality for another 20 years. Just in time for me, one of the older girls at college took me aside when she saw how I behaved around boys, sat me down with a biology book and told me ‘the facts of life.’
“I was intrigued. ‘Really? Does everybody know about this?’ I asked when she had finished. ‘And they take their clothes off? And they get a sweet little baby out of it?? It sounds like fun!’
“’No, no,’ she said hurriedly after trying to control laughing herself silly. ‘It isn’t fun. It’s serious business.’ She studied me for a moment, ‘Honestly, are you putting me on? Don’t you know anything?’
“I am living proof that a person can seem perfectly ‘normal’ and not desperately need the information that can otherwise ruin their lives. My sister, just a year older, had a baby without the slightest idea how it happened, with a most unsuitable idiot whom she was forced to marry in those awful days of condemnation for the unwed mother. No one believed that she just didn’t know how sex works, the emotional parts as well as the physical.
“You will do your friend the biggest favour of her life by gently making sure she knows the facts, including protection and keeping herself from all the troubles we went through out of ignorance.”
Lisi – Your story shows two outcomes of innocent ignorance, yours and your sister’s. You’re so fortunate that the older college girl took you under her wing. That’s exactly what I suggested the concerned friend do for her friend.
My friend’s daughter is very successful. She’s figured out a way to make money as an influencer on social media through her love of funky vintage fashion. I’m not a lover of her fashion sense, but I follow her because she’s my friend’s daughter.
My friend is thrilled that her daughter is earning and has found something she loves; she lost her way during the pandemic and dropped out of university. My friend was worried she’d never become anything or figure out how to support herself.
I know that my friend doesn’t often look at her daughter’s posts. She’s not on social media and isn’t much of a techie. She barely uses her smart phone.
Which brings me to my quandary... The daughter recently posted a selfie in a vintage macramé halter, which showed off both nipples. I was surprised because she’s a shy, quiet girl. Do I bring it to my friend’s attention? Or pretend I didn’t see it?
Leave it. Don’t comment on, or like, the post. If your friend asks if you’ve seen it, you can say yes. But don’t get involved.