My uncle and his two daughters have stopped speaking to me, and I don’t know what to do. His wife, my cousins’ mother, recently died from a fast-growing, misdiagnosed tumor. I didn’t know she was sick until she was palliative.

I graduated university in the spring and went travelling with a few friends. Our itinerary was extensive, exotic and once-in-a-lifetime kind of stuff. I was in good touch with my own parents and siblings, but not that much with my extended family. I posted often on social media to keep those who cared abreast of my adventures.

My mom was instructed by the family not to tell me when my aunt first got sick. It was serious but they were misled to believe it was not as serious as it actually was. I didn’t rush home. No one suggested it was necessary.

By the time I learned the truth, my aunt was taking her last breaths,and I couldn’t have made it home in time. I’m heartbroken that I didn’t get to say goodbye.

My trip was supposed to end a week after she died, and after speaking to my parents, and my cousin – the brother of my other two cousins – they insisted I see it through to the end. Logistically, it also took two days to get home due to an unforeseen diversion.

My first stop after hugging my parents was to my cousins’ home. To our shock, they refused to let me in, yelled at my mother for bringing me over, and when their brother chimed in, they asked him to leave (he doesn’t live there).

What did I do wrong and how can I fix this?

Devastated cousin

Your uncle and cousins are torn apart with grief. You need to give them space, but at the same time, impress upon them that you are just as sad and grieving. Timing wasn’t in your control – you and I know that – but they are just hurting and lashing out.

I imagine that your mother won’t accept that they yelled at her, and the brother won’t accept he’s been dismissed. Stick with them. Grieve with them. And keep trying with your uncle and cousins. If you were close before, you will be again.

 

My best friend is obsessed with her dog. She takes him for long walks in the morning, afternoon and a short one at night. She talks to him all day long. And she brings him everywhere.

None of this bothers me because I love her dog, too. But I’m worried about her. She’s single; I’m married. She wants to have a family.

She works from home and is tired from her long daily walks by early evening. She doesn’t love to go out at night because she doesn’t like leaving her dog home alone. But how is she ever going to meet someone if she doesn’t socialize?

She’s funny, independent, smart, loving and beautiful. I want her to be happy. How can I help her?

Furry Friend

She is lucky to have a friend like you, who extols her virtues, loves her dog and wants her to find happiness. This is the perfect time to stand by her side and be her wing-person. On your next walk, make plans.

Plan a holiday dinner party at your house, where she can bring her dog, and invite other single people. Plan a girls’ night out with a few other friends and offer your husband to dog-sit. Make a fun plan for New Years’ Eve, with the after-party at her place.

If she wants to meet someone special, she must get out of her house. Helping her with the dog removes her “crutch.”

 

Reader’s Commentary Regarding the siblings who don’t speak (Nov. 7):

“It is not impossible that this is wholly unrelated to the brother. The figure skating world was not without abuses. Fortunately, I was not a victim, but that's not to say that there were none.

“It's possible that the brother reminds the sister of a period she wishes to forget.”

A former figure skater

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman feeling shunned (Nov. 6):

Reader – “My boyfriend and I... five other couples... the five husbands all knew each other... the five wives got along well with each other... the five wives shunned me... what should I do?

“My answer? Get married. When you become a wife, the other wives will accept you.
“Best wishes for a successful advice-giving career.”

Lisi –I added that last line because I feel the world needs a lot more kindness these days. I appreciate the kind sentiment.