My daughter went on a Church-based trip this summer. She was away for two weeks with a bunch of kids aged 13-16. She’s 14. When she left, she was still very much a little girl. She seemed to be late hitting puberty, but she wasn’t bothered, nor were her doctors worried.
She came back a different kid! She grew breasts where she had none; her waist formed, and her hips popped. Honestly, I almost didn’t recognize her.
That aside, her whole personality has changed. Where she used to be happy and light, always laughing, she’s now quiet and sullen, and seems lost in her own thoughts.
I’m not sure how to approach her.
Confused Dad
She’s still your little girl, so show her lots of love. You didn’t mention a wife/mother in your letter. If there is an adult woman in your daughter’s life, perhaps you two could sit down together and talk to her about bras, menstruation, and all things related to female pubescence. If you’re alone in this, you might want to ask a close female family member or friend for tips, or get a book for some guidance. The important thing is to let your daughter know these changes are perfectly normal. Stress that she’s is becoming a woman in the same way her mother and aunts and all the other women she knows did.
FEEDBACK Regarding the shopper who couldn't get assistance at a big box store (Sept. 30):
“I have several suggestions:
- Go to the big box store's website, select your store, and search for each item on your list. It will inform you whether the item is in stock, and the aisle where it’s located. You can place each item in your "bag" for curbside pickup or delivery. Or, if you prefer to shop in person, mark it down.
- Consider shopping at smaller, local stores for some items. Many of them support your local churches, synagogues, schools, senior centers, scout troops, etc., by advertising regularly in their bulletins and yearbooks, donating raffle prizes, paying for holiday lights, sponsoring Little League teams, etc. Their prices may be a bit higher than a big box store, but I consider it a trade-off by saving my time and energy. Plus, if they support our neighborhood, I believe we should support them.
“I hope this helps.”
My best friend and I are graduating high school this year. We’ve been together since grade one, and have spent almost every day of our lives together. It sounds ridiculous, but we live in the same apartment building and our parents are friends.
Summer vacations, Christmas, and Easter our families spend together with a few other families that we’re all close with. We’ve had a few doozy fights over the years, but they were fast and furious, over in a few hours.
We’d love to go to university together but our interests don’t have programs at the same school. We know we both need to follow our hearts and study what interests us, but – I’m scared. I’ve never been without her.
Besties
You two are so lucky to have had the kind of friendship that many people only wish for. She sounds like more than a friend, almost a sister (without the sibling rivalry).
You’re both mature enough to recognize why you need to go your separate ways, and wise enough to follow those paths. Your friendship is strong and will stay that way even when you’re miles apart.
And with technology and social media, will you ever really be apart? You can FaceTime each other all day; Snap each other every minute; Insta-message whenever possible. You can literally be in constant contact.
And now you’ll have so much to talk about, like your dorms, the food, your roommates, classmates, profs, etc. And depending how far apart you are, you could make plans to see each other twice a month – once at her university, and once at yours.
My daughter has a friend she always wants to come over. I like the child and the mother very much. But this little girl always has huge snot balls coming out of her nose. It’s completely disgusting!
I’ve talked to the mom and she assures me her daughter is not unwell. I believe her because she always has these hunks of snot, no matter the season.
But it’s really gross and I don’t want to blow her nose all the time (they’re really little).
How do I deal with this nicely?
Grossed out Mom
Anyone who has children will understand your dilemma. Some kids are just snottier than others, and yes, it’s pretty gross.
Greet her at the door with tissue; get her mom to give her one last blow; and then arm yourself with lots of tissues while she’s in your care.
She’ll grow out of it.