I’m a 16-year-old girl in Grade 11 at a new school. I switched from my previous high school after two years. I had to leave due to untrue gossip and drama being spread about me. I still have some very close girlfriends at my old school, and other very close friends at other schools.

I am struggling with two main issues: 1) At this new school, not many people have been talking to me. I feel like I have to do all the work to get something going, and even then, I only have some acquaintances. I understand that I’ve joined halfway through and everybody has their own groove, but I would like help on how to better integrate and introduce myself to others.

2) This one very popular girl who attends my current school, is great friends with the group of girls at my other school who spread rumours about me. The popular girl at my school could be very nice for all I know. Everyone is friends with her and I have become anxious that something will get back to her about me and cause my reputation to be distorted.

This is where my two big issues meet: I’m nervous to talk to other people, because I worry things could lead back to this popular girl. I also just generally get anxious and am honestly exhausted from having to initiate things with people all the time. I don't feel that I overdo it and I know my way around these social settings, but I also struggle with opening myself up and meeting new people when they all have their own friends and drama. I am very thankful that I have some great friends to call and confide in about this; they truly have been my lifeline. However, I want to have a better experience at this new school and right now it’s not looking so good.

I am seeking advice on how to be confident and let go of the small stuff when introducing myself to new people, despite their connections to my past and also the fear of what others may think of me. I hope you can help.

Rocky second start

Though you may not think so, you are a very confident and mature teenager. Moving schools halfway through your high school career, takes courage and strength. Good for you. Of course, I hope that you tried to stop the gossip and end the drama at your first school, and didn’t just run away from your problems.

There are two ways to go with regards to the girl whom you believe is popular. But let me remind you that popularity is in the eye of the beholder. Don’t give her power. You could avoid her, as you’ve been doing, let the gossip reach her – which it will, eventually – and give her the opportunity to believe what she’s heard. Or, you could introduce yourself and get to know her. Then she can judge you on her own opinion and not that of others.

As far as making friends and meeting new people, yes, the onus is on you as the new girl to initiate conversation, but it doesn’t have to be cringy. Some people may be prejudging you incorrectly. Just sit down beside someone new in each of your classes who looks friendly and say hey. Roll your shoulders back, stand tall and fake your confidence if you have to. Talk about the homework, or comment positively on their footwear, and then introduce yourself. Don’t expect to hit it off with everyone right away, or at all. But some people will become friends and then introduce you to their friends. Stay positive and you’ll find your people.

FEEDBACK Regarding the widow looking for her step-grandchildren (Oct. 12):

Reader – “I read with sadness the long letter from a woman who has been rebuffed, as her dear departed husband had been, by his estranged children. She needs to move on.

“Some people wallow in victimhood. If the mother of the kids, now grown, was of that attitude (post-divorce), she most likely poisoned the kids’ relationship with their father, and especially his new wife. So, she has to be ignored, maybe even disliked by them because otherwise they’d have to swallow their pride, acknowledge that they acted in a mean, discourteous manner, and were traitors to the man who made life comfortable for them all.

“She does not need to beg them to accept anything that her generous husband worked for. Move on with an open heart.  Give the money to a cause that she knows he'd be happy about.”