We're early 40s, with two school-aged kids, good jobs, yet miserable. My wife and I are hostile to each other and uncivil. It leaves me frustrated, angry, and drained.

She was different, but in recent years became very negative, criticizing everything I do, constantly reminding me that I don't help, or do anything right, that all the burden is on her. I realize the pressure on full-time working mothers is extreme; I should've been there for her and the kids more. But I cannot turn back the clock.

I've changed, but she doesn't recognize it. She can never forgive that I sought my own pleasures (sports, hobbies), while she had household chores, work, kids, and everything else. She's looking at me with disgust, which the kids can see.

Sex is almost nonexistent. I have to fight a battle for it. She sleeps with one child and rarely enters the bedroom.

I never cheated, nor was violent, or an alcoholic. I still love her, and I'd do anything to get her back. But this cannot go on forever.

Her passion for life and pleasures is gone; she's said she's only here for the kids' sake.

What will it take her to forgive my sins? She refuses therapy.

Anger Management

You've woken up to your part in this, now get pro-active. Change your pursuit of personal interests to pursuit of family pleasures, sports, and hobbies. She may not warm to you very quickly but she can't help but appreciate and enjoy a family picnic you've worked hard at shopping and preparing for, a pick-up soccer game with your own and neighbourhood kids, coaching one of their favourite sports. These are the things she had to do or rely on others while you were off on your own.

Apologize. More than once. Don't expect instant applause, it's about being sincere, not rewarded.

If you show that you love her by your efforts, as well as saying it, you'll have reason to hope for change in your relationship.

Recently, my friend of ten years and I went out to celebrate my birthday, along with my other friends, in couples. My "best friend" complained about everything I wanted to do. Others explained to her that it was my day.

We went to a club, but didn't make it inside. She and her boyfriend got into a very heated argument. We went back to our hotel room and they wanted the rest of us to wait outside at 1am so they could argue... very loudly.

We were all upset, as we wanted to change. The argument lasted long, the boyfriend slept on the floor, they ran away, and we had to find them.

Next morning, they were fine and VERY touchy. Everyone felt they were too touchy considering what had happened. My boyfriend and I never fight like they do nor slobber over each other in public.

I know that talking to her will result in a bigger fight, as she's very sensitive and doesn't believe there's anything wrong. If she hadn't been there, my birthday weekend would've been much more enjoyable for my guests and I.

Sad & Fed Up

When you're best friends with a drama queen, you can expect drama. It's time to look again at the friendship and whether it's benefits and good times outweigh these disruptive, attention-getting incidents.

She may be someone you enjoy better (and only) when one-on-one, so she's not competing with your other friends, or even you.

FEEDBACK Regarding the gentleman who was concerned about reaction to his mustache (May 28):

Reader - "For people of my generation or younger (I'm 30), mustaches are seen as a fashion faux-pas. They're more often than not worn as the result of a lost bet, or to raise money for good causes (much like head-shaving), or just ironically.

"Wearing one sincerely would be like wearing acid-wash jeans, a Flock of Seagulls hair-do, neon leg warmers, or anything else that big in 1985.

"For myself, I say wear what makes you feel good and forget what people say. However, he's obviously concerned about perception, so he should shave it. Dyeing it will look like a desperate and misguided attempt to look younger while sporting a fashion relic."

Nice encouragement to make his own statement, if the moustache matters to him. BUT, realistic acknowledgement that sometimes, others' opinions can matter even more.