I recently broke up with a boyfriend because he’s addicted to crack cocaine. I’d tolerated his previous cocaine problem despite hating it.         
      He developed near-fatal illnesses (ulcer, tumour, needed surgery) due to his lifestyle. I stuck with him, which affected my relationship with my teenage son.      
      I’d previously advised his mother that he was cocaine-addicted but she wasn’t bothered as she’s addicted to playing Bingo.      
      I still love him but he says he’ll do what he wants, when he wants. He’s depressed. His father died two years ago due to alcoholism. Should I tell his mother about this addiction? She’s not a very supportive person.
      - Worried

Your desire to tell his mother - when you know 1) she won’t do anything much about it and 2) she’ll have little influence on your ex - is your way of staying involved with a drug addict who doesn’t want your help.      
      Give him the phone number of a local distress centre and back off. It may be the jolt that actually pushes him to want to get off drugs. But don’t believe it until he’s changed his lifestyle for a year.    
      More important, is your relationship with your son. It’s still possible to turn around your negative (albeit unintended) message, that he wasn’t important enough for you to make him your priority.

My next-door apartment neighbour has a son who visits her; he comes regularly, asking for money, food and arguing loudly with her.    
      Unfortunately, I’m in ill health and largely wheelchair-bound. The son always parks his bike in the hallway. I find it very difficult to get past the bike and told his mother, but her son does as he likes.    
      The apartment manager granted my request for a bike rack placed outside and posted a sign informing residents and visitors. The neighbor inquired if I’d complained, and since then she glares at me and refuses to even share the hallway with me.    
       I have no idea how to deal with her behavior. Most of the time I’m in the building - I can “wall-walk” to get my laundry and mail. I only use the chair to go out. I believe she thinks I don't really need the chair.      
      I already tried the “nice" letter admitting that I did ask for the rack and why I have trouble when it takes half the hallway. What to do?
      - Blocked in Chicago

Your neighbour has a hard time with her son, and no doubt he’s now also blaming her for this “inconvenience” of having to park his bike outside. It appears she hasn’t the strength to stand up to him and so she finds it easier to just blame you.      
       You may not win her over to real friendship, but you can try more approaches towards a détente. Send over something for her to enjoy – e.g. some fruit or a dessert (you can say you baked or bought too much, whatever) - with a note saying you regret any ill feeling between you.      
       Add that you’re aware that your “walking” may have her wondering about the fuss over the bike, but that when you do need the wheelchair to go out, you couldn’t get around it.    
       If she continues to glare and act childishly when you see her in the hall, just smile and nod an acknowledgment; her behaviour will soon prove useless. However, you both may have to settle for cool relations … that are better than hot ones or a deep freeze.

Dear Readers - In response to a question in an October 6 column about the jealousy between sisters, here's one man's view of sibling rivalry:    
       Reader - My wife and I are both the oldest child in our family and many things came much easier for our siblings.Our parents helped them more, gave permission for various activities earlier and relaxed their rules.     
       We were exceptional students, so our siblings got preferential treatment and more attention from their teachers because of us. Even getting a summer job was easier as they were preferentially hired.     
       It can be tough to accept that they had an easier time, but we had many benefits: No preconceived notions, no yardstick to measure up to, no expectations.     
       And for siblings who choose the same or similar path, the comparisons are endless. For some, the effect is draining, even devastating. They may not even feel pride at their own accomplishments because they feel their success doesn't measure up.
       - Sibling Insight

Thanks for your thoughts. Siblings need to value themselves rather than focus on competing.