I left my husband five years ago principally because he was an angry alcoholic and was becoming abusive to me and my oldest daughter (then age 2). When we left, he threatened my life and that of the female detective assigned to our case.
He improved and was eventually granted unsupervised visits with our kids. He stopped drinking and met a woman who seemed good with the kids when he has them for a weekend. But my youngest daughter (now 5) has been reporting for months that they fight constantly and the girlfriend often moves out of the house.
Recently the kids returned in tears; they said their dad and his girlfriend were breaking up. I’m worried that if his relationship goes sour he'll fall off the deep end again - in which case I'll be worried for my kids' safety.
I've tried to broach the topic with him but he tells me it's none of my business.
- Scared Mom

You can’t control the future, but you can set up now for action. Ask your ex (without blame) if there’s any way to ease the current situation around the kids – e.g. changing Daddy’s visits to occur at your place, during this period of tension and arguing at his house.
Better to stay on good terms, and in frequent contact, so that you’ll be aware if any further changes take place that indicate trouble. Also, alert your court worker/department that was involved in the case about your concerns; agree to contact them immediately if things worsen.

My daughter-in-law says that because I adopted my son, his children are not my grandchildren and I can’t see them.
She sends me “sick” emails, posts nasty messages on social networking sites and has commandeered his email account. Plus she checks his cell phone daily and there’s hell to pay if he called me.
Gifts and cards have been rejected in insulting, hurtful ways. I’ve never done anything to warrant this hatred and treatment.
My son tried to leave her twice, both times she said she was pregnant. Now he’s determined to stay because he loves her and wants his kids, both toddlers. She and her mother have both sworn that he’ll have no contact with his kids if he leaves.
He’s cut off from friends and family, going only to work and back home, barraged by constant phone calls whenever he’s away from the house, and living in his own basement.    
He’s a busy manager with a large staff so it’s hard to speak with him at work. I’ve resigned myself to having no contact with my son or grandchildren. So I’ve secretly set up trust funds for the children and their father so that, if and when he might decide to leave, he’ll have some financial resources.
I’m also writing letters to the children on their birthdays and every holiday that I’ll give them when the youngest turns 18.
- Son in Trouble

Urge your son, NOW, to straighten his spine, and get out of the basement. He’s an adult and needs information about his rights.
Since you can afford a trust fund, offer to pay for him to get legal advice. His wife can’t just prohibit a decent father from seeing his kids, IF he chooses to separate from her and/or go for custody.
Meet him at his workplace and hand him the phone number of a lawyer to at least discuss his case … even if he chooses not to act on it, for now.

I’m 54, married 22 years, but for 10 years my wife hasn’t wanted to make love. When I finally get angry, she’ll comply, but it diminishes the intimacy and tenderness I need.
I’ve tried counselling, talking, changing my lifestyle. No change. I’ve bought her lingerie - she told me to wear it, if I like it so much. I’ll seek relations elsewhere if this isn’t resolved soon.
- Lack of Sex

What you haven’t tried is finding out just what she really wants – end the marriage or just end the sex. If sex is truly the only issue (I doubt that, from her insulting response to the lingerie gift) then either she goes to sex counselling with you, OR, your next move is about your future.
It sounds like a total break is better than going elsewhere for false intimacy, since it won’t provide a full, loving relationship unless you’re free.