My sister-in-law smokes pot to what I consider problem levels (the only time she is not stoned is when she is asleep.)
We don’t live near my husband’s family. But we’ll soon be staying with my husband’s family for a week to celebrate our daughter’s first birthday together.
I told my husband that I wouldn’t let his sister drive my daughter or me anywhere when she’s been smoking.
However, because she drives her own daughter when she’s high, I’m being accused of saying she’s a bad mother.
I’ve not spoken about her parenting. I don't think my request is unreasonable.
Is there a way for me to say this that won't sound accusatory about her driving her own child while high?
She’s always gotten her own way in the past but this is one thing on which I’m not willing to compromise.
Do the research on driving while high. Show some to your husband.
Examples: the US National Institute on Drug Abuse says, “Marijuana significantly impairs judgment, motor coordination, and reaction time, and studies have found a direct relationship between blood THC concentration and impaired driving ability.
And from www.leafscience.com/2017/12/13:
“It is not safe to drive while high. Marijuana can affect your ability to react, making it unsafe to drive and increasing your chances of a crash.
“Some reports show that people who drive within one hour of using marijuana may be almost twice as likely to be involved in a car accident compared to those who don't consume marijuana.”
Most important besides scientific facts is standing up to prevent harm to your child and you.
Every family may have their own interpretations of what that involves, but you have to stick with yours unless the scientific findings change over time.
Your husband is defending his sister. But protecting his child and you are his more crucial responsibilities.
I’m a man who feels badly about the #MeToo stories. How come a man in a position of power and money can physically and sexually assault girls/women?
But I think, that male/boys-bashing is not a solution.
Boys and men should be taught that they have a place in society, and that assault of any kind is a crime, and such actions will come to haunt them.
The schools should also have male role models, rather than all the female teachers.
A Man Who Cares
Your caring is an important step towards understanding the need for changed attitudes on a broad scale.
The many #MeToo stories that have appeared in my column haven’t been about money and power, nor male or boy-bashing.
The women haven’t named or reported anyone, though they were raped, stalked, groped, beaten, and more, by males whose only “power” was that they got away with it.
They were the women’s schoolmates, brothers, uncles, family “friends,” teachers, and sometimes their own fathers.
Most told no one at the time because of feeling shame, or that they wouldn’t be believed, or that no one would do anything about it.
Some were even punished for “letting it happen,” even if they were youngsters at the time.
Yes, we need more male role-models in schools and society. But that means models of what “being a man,” means – respectful, helpful, responsible, standing up against bullies and those who take advantage of others, especially of children of all genders.
We need males who not only understand the laws against sexual assault and harassment but who believe that such behaviour is wrong, period.
FEEDBACK Regarding the letter about the woman who was raped (Jan. 5, Nov. 29):
Reader – “That writer tried to blame the victim for the assault.
“What’s needed is putting scrutiny on the perpetrator.
“A person who has cognitive impairment due to alcohol, drugs, prescription medication, etc. cannot give consent to sexual activity.
“Therefore, the other person shouldn’t attempt to engage in sexual activity.
“Also, a person entering a private space with another person is not a justification for assault.
“Every time we enter another person's personal space (i.e. touch their body) there needs to be consent.
“Sometimes it’s verbal (Do you like this?) or physical (pulling closer).
“But, physical contact that’s noticeably unwanted or repeats without clear consent is an assault.
“Until we start focusing on the actions of the aggressor and place full responsibility for their act of harm, our society will continue to view victims in a judgmental and uncompassionate light.”
Tip of the day:
“Parenting” includes checking reliable information and standing up for what you believe protects your children.