My white father married my black Jamaican mother and they had three kids. We live in Canada and had a great childhood. We are close with our father’s side of the family, and our mother’s. Some of my mom’s family is also in Canada, others are still in Jamaica. We go at least once a year to visit them.
My mom has a strong Jamaican accent, and my dad has no accent. He was born and raised in Canada. We kids have a bit of an accent when it comes to certain words, and we can lay it on thick when we want after all the time we spent on the island.
Recently, my teenage brothers and I have started to notice that our dad puts on the accent, and uses Jamaican slang, sometimes inappropriately, and we find it so annoying and embarrassing.
How do we tell him to stay in his lane and not pretend he’s someone he’s not?
Wha’gwan here?
The last thing you want to do is hurt your father’s feelings for no good reason. Have you spoken to your mom about it? Because if it offends anyone, it will offend her. If it doesn’t offend her, why are you letting it bother you?
You and your brothers could ask your dad to rein in his Jamaican slang when out with you, or in front of your friends. He won’t be shocked – teenagers find everything their parents do annoying. Hopefully, to keep the peace, he’ll dial it back in your presence. But really – who cares if your dad puts on a Jamaican accent? Maybe your mom finds it sexy. Maybe she finds it amusing. Maybe he does it to impress her family back home. Ask him.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
What is the best way to avoid getting cornered by door-to-door charity ambassadors? I find that almost weekly someone is knocking on my door asking for money to help their organization. I’m a charitable person and love to help where I can, when I can, but more importantly, to the charities of my choice and NOT to the charities with the most peer pressure.
Recently a group of ambassadors came knocking on my door and made it seem as though we were old friends, reacquainting ourselves after years away from each other. It was ridiculous! They had a whole skit that they enacted. There were more of them on the street, and they called each other over. I watched them do it several times after they had left me.
Now I want to retract the money I donated. I hate feeling like I’ve been duped and taken advantage of. There are a lot of people out there in need, and a lot of reputable organizations. I don’t need to be bullied into giving to an organization that preys on its donors.
Charity Chase
The best way to avoid the “shpiel” is to open the door only slightly, ask to see their identity badge, and then respond as you wish. Either with a “give me a minute,” shut the door and meet them outside; or a “come back at another time” – but only if you mean it; or a “no thanks,” and close the door. No one is forcing you to open the door and engage in conversation. There’s also no reason to be rude. These people are doing their best at the job they’ve chosen. And cold calling, knocking on people’s doors, is one of the toughest jobs out there. You really need to have tough skin.
FEEDBACK Regarding the lost money (March 13):
Reader – “Great article today. I have a good deal of common sense, at least I think I do, but every now and again a head-scratcher comes along and genuinely makes me wonder what the best approach to the situation would be.
“Your advice about confiding in the one she's closest with, and your suggestions on how to frame the situation, followed by the way to approach the other two roommates, all makes a lot of sense. Most people would be incited with panic, fear, and a complete loss of control of the situation, but I really believe what you outlined is the optimal way to keep a lid on things and the best way to find a resolution, while prioritizing ‘keeping the peace’ among her peers.
“Definitely a great submission!”
Lisi – Thank you. There’s no point in making false accusations and potentially ruining relationships.