I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for four months. He’s three years younger than me, just beginning his career. We’re in the same field but I’ve been working for two years.

He doesn't know what he wants to do after his 10-months’ internship. I was in the same position several years ago.

He lives with his parents due to financial reasons.

I recently got my dream job, still living here. I’m open to moving but want to give my new job a shot for awhile.

He’s introduced me to his family, and we spend a lot of time together. But I don't want to waste my time, I want to see a future.

Until he sorts out his life, he won't be able to give his all to me.

How do I proceed in this relationship?

Emotional About Him

Just reading this, I feel pressured, sensing how your boyfriend must feel that same way.

Especially when after only four months’ dating, you’ll inevitably convey your fear of “wasting your time” with him.

Get a grip on your emotions. You’re rushing a decent guy to catch up to your career trajectory when he’s at the beginning of his.

He has the same right and need that you had, to look at his options.

He’s shown his caring for you by bringing you to his family. Show him the respect of understanding and encouragement, not a push to commit at this still-early stage.

Or you’ll push him away.

Four female friends have met for each other’s birthdays, had dinner, and put $10-$20 each towards a gift, for four years.

I’d be happy to meet at one person’s house to avoid costs for the two ladies who’ve each had a baby this year.

I’ve attended, organized, and/or contributed to every birthday event.

Yet this year, I received only impersonal texts and online messages.
I've given gifts at all of their birthdays, barbeques, baby showers, etc. despite having financial insecurities.

I listen more than unload, and haven't done or said anything to be excluded. However, they've made me feel forgotten and lonely.
I realize that the mothers are now busy with their one-year-olds, but they made time for each other over the past year.
Meanwhile, I’ve started a better job that’s much farther away.

But I can't make new friends with co-workers who live so far from me.

I'm afraid that if I raise how hurt I feel, I won't find another group of friends that care about me as much as I do them.
Is it rude for me to refuse to attend their upcoming events despite my feeling outcast? How do I know when it's time to cut ties?

Feeling Excluded

New motherhood often affects old friendships, without intention.

They’re caught up with demanding responsibilities and tasks. They rely on sharing information with each other, to get through this jolting start to parenthood.

It’s not uncommon that friends without children get neglected for a while.

But that’s no consolation to your hurt feelings.

Since making new friends takes time, and distance is a factor, try to stay in touch without expecting instant replies or frequent communication. Attend their events to maintain some common time together.

If it doesn’t improve things, re-direct that effort to friends who don’t have babies, and to meeting new people in your area through mutual interests and activities.

Don’t cut ties completely. Friendships can bloom again when life-changes settle.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man who has premature ejaculation, then leaves his partner unsatisfied (January 16):

Reader – “He can solve this problem by visiting his urologist.

“A penile injection is quick, with absolutely no pain and no side effects such the headaches one can get from pills.

“It’s available (at least in my Province of Ontario, Canada) and covered by many health plans.

“The injection allows the male to climax first, but still maintain an erection for an hour or even longer afterwards.

“There is no reason for this man’s partner to be left frustrated.  Hope this helps.”

Ellie – My readers and I always appreciate hearing a personal account of how some treatment, medication, or procedure helped someone.

However, we all must be aware that every individual is different, and that what works for one person doesn’t always work for another.

The information should be considered a guide to asking your own doctor whether this approach is applicable.