My daughter was engaged to a nice guy (though he drank); after a year together, she got pregnant, but they had a fight and broke up. He and his family were aware of the pregnancy. 

The child’s now four, and my daughter wants no contact with the father. She won’t file for child-support for fear he’d seek visitation, take the toddler away and/or harm the child and herself.

I suggested supervised visitation with child welfare officials and/or me present, but she refuses.

She isn’t too concerned about her son not seeing his real father, she hates or fears him that much.

Input from the other parent also wouldn’t be welcome.

I think the real dad should be in the picture! Child-support would be nice, but just being in the child's life is very important. The father’s made no such effort.

The child is asking about its dad.

I’d like to contact the father and/or his parents and tell them about the child, although doing so would upset my daughter, and she might not talk to me again.

What should I do?

- Concerned Grandpa

Back off, Gramps, this is NOT your job. One day, when the child is of age, you may be the one to tell him more about his father, if his mother refuses. But for now, she’s in charge of this boy and has the right to make all parental decisions, especially since the father could’ve sought a role if he wanted one. If he does so in the future, she’ll have to deal with it then. 

Meanwhile, her fears about this guy are what matter most. She knew him better than you. Respect her feelings as an adult and mother, and be protective, rather than provoking her with your opinions.

By being the best grandfather you can and involved in the boy’s life, he’s already getting a caring male role model, and that may be his best chance at one.

Our daughter, 36, has been anorexic for five years; she’s married and has two teenagers. 

She avoided us for the first three years, then needed help and my husband and I came to the rescue. We helped her with her business, her family problems and got her into a facility to treat her disorder.

A year ago she moved 90 miles away so we hardly see her anymore and she’s totally avoiding us again. We’re late 50’s, and it’s upsetting that we don’t see our grandkids; she never calls or comes over.

On holidays she doesn’t even want to call or celebrate.

We didn’t do anything to her so I’m unsure why she’s treating us this way. I can’t even mention it to her because she starts yelling and screaming at me.

She won’t call her dad because he’ll let her know how he feels.

- Distraught

Try contacting her husband, first, to see if your daughter’s health is okay or if he’d appreciate some help from you. You may find him to be difficult too, which could be a clue that her problems have some basis in their relationship. 

Despite her harsh reactions or silence, let her know every now and then, that you love her and the grandchildren and would be happy to see them or have some kind of contact.

Send the kids birthday and holiday cards so that they know they have grandparents they can reach if they ever choose to do so on their own.

My co-worker crosses the line; he’ll lean over my desk and rub his body over it while talking to me. 

He always winks at me, rubs my shoulder, and holds on for an inappropriate time.

I send negative signals by not looking him in the eye, not smiling and speaking in a monotone.

I’m trying to avoid telling him that he makes me uncomfortable, since we must work together.

- Uncomfortable

Your signals actually convey submission, and weakness, which provide the exact encouragement he wants. 

You do NOT have to endure this for working harmony… especially since there’s no harmony for you!

Look at him squarely, say you find his gestures inappropriate, and you trust you won’t have to mention it again to him or your supervisor. Then smile and coolly, but confidently discuss the work you’re doing together.

Any repeat gestures demand your reporting his behaviour, so start keeping a record.