I've been happy dating my boyfriend of four months. I trust that he won't cheat but all his ex'es are out to haunt us. And my insecurities are haunting me.

Now he's in jail, I visit him weekly. But I can't believe he won't end up with someone else, when he said he thought I'd want it over. He had the nerve to think that I'd easily give up on him. I drove two hours to visit him there when this isn't my problem to begin with.

I'm his family. I'm his everything. His stupid decisions and my jealousy make our relationship weak.

I love him but I'm not sure how long this relationship will last. It's hard to change someone and I'm just trying to better him since nobody else will.

Worrying in Chicago

You can only improve yourself. Your jealousy's bringing you down, when you should be building strength to know whether you can stay with this guy whose poor judgment upsets you.

For a lasting relationship, you need him to be able to be responsible for himself, not someone for whom you have to be "everything." Make sure you're not playing The Rescuer. It gives him the message he doesn't have to try to improve himself. Meanwhile, he's had time in jail to think, and offered you a chance to forget him. Consider what's best for you.

I started a long-distance (1500 miles apart) relationship last year. We both travelled to meet each other's family and friends.

However, in January he was diagnosed with cancer. I'm in university, so I took two semesters off to be his caregiver. Initially, he constantly expressed his gratitude for my being there. But, a month into his treatment, he became verbally abusive, and constantly picked fights.

Threats of hitting me turned into actually hitting me, twice. I reached out to his family and friends, but he told them I was crazy and lying. I begged him to see a therapist, or talk to his doctor about the medications and steroids he was on, but he refused.

I convinced myself he was only behaving this way because of the medications so I stuck around. But my friends urged me to come home. When he was finally in remission, I ended the relationship, and left.

He recently surprised me by driving out to visit me. He said he'd told his family about the abuse, that he loved me, and that he wants to get back together. He stayed several days and was the man I fell in love with.

I still love and miss him terribly. My friends think he lost his chance to be with me once he hit me. I think the drugs and steroids caused his behaviour. Can I give him a second chance?

Torn

Proceed slowly, in the direction of both your heart and common sense. Your friends are well meaning, but this wasn't a clear-cut case of violence. Talk to his cancer specialist and learn about the effects of chemotherapy and steroid drugs.

You took on a huge task of care giving with seemingly little information, and/or backup. His family should've helped, and you needed relief care.

Cancer can reoccur, so you both need to know what to do if he's ever on those same drugs again, or whether there are alternatives without the same effects.

Re-build the relationship over time. If you move there again, create a support network you can rely on.

My in-laws of two years constantly blame me for "stealing" my husband off the farm, though moving to town was his decision. His mother recently said that I'm "having my way." I replied, "it's OUR way, we're a team."

When I don't like eating food killed on the farm, she says, "It's all in your head." Initially, it was much worse and now it's leveled out. I've confronted her but it doesn't seem to help. All I want is a close relationship with my in-laws.

Frustrated

Now look at the glass half-full, not half-empty. Your husband wisely chose to live elsewhere, and things have "leveled out."

If you truly want a closer relationship, you have to show some appreciation of their chosen life (their son's moving away likely felt like rejection). Compliment her on the non-animal food she produces on the farm; ask for recipes. Her negativity will lessen as you're more positive.