Dear Readers - My request for your experiences as working parents seeking that elusive "balance" in your lives (Nov. 10 column) brought many responses. Here is a selection, in the first of two related columns:

Reader -  "I'm a school teacher, my wife's a nurse. When our daughter, seven, was born, our son was nine and I thought I was going crazy trying to balance new baby, marriage, son, and work. Getting the baby to day care and the boy to school was very stressful. My wife's long hours didn't help. But every year became a bit easier than the previous.

"The key was ironing out who is to do what. There MUST be a balanced sharing of the responsibilities. Otherwise, one person ends up having a lot of resentment, which could ultimately lead to a failed marriage. For me, I just learned not to get stressed over things I couldn't control. It's what kept the marriage going."

Reader - "My husband and I have two children, five and two, and full-time careers. My main tip: Start looking for a cleaning lady. It's a must for working middle-class parents. If money's tight, cut your expenses somewhere else.

"Dates: We're tired in the evenings and our kids' bedtime routine gets messed up if we're not home. We love having a babysitter on Saturday or Sunday mornings, to take the kids out for a couple of hours to the park. They get fresh air and playtime with someone they like. We get to read the paper, enjoy our coffee, maybe go back to bed and start the weekend on the right foot!

"Look for part-time morning and evening help from university students or retired people in your neighborhood. An hour of help when you're getting ready to head out the door in the morning and an hour of help when you get home from work can make all the difference. It takes time and some networking to find someone but this might fit someone's schedule, especially if needing some cash."

Reader - "A couple's in trouble whenever the husband's role is defined as "helping out." He should be taking the initiative to get the child to daycare (or do pick-up) and to shop for groceries and make some of the meals. Those jobs belong to both adults in the house."

Reader - "This may sound un-liberated but I urge one parent to stay with their children at home until, say, age two and a half as ideal. I see the difference in my two sons' personalities. The one who had me at home for that time is more confident.

"For my second son we got a live-in nanny. I had to buy a second car to commute two hours daily, buy work clothes, gas, and other expenses, which were a few hundred dollars less than income. Add the cost of the distress of tearing myself away from that son every morning."

Ellie - This answer represents several which promoted alternatives to both parents working fulltime. They each suggested doing a "cost analysis" of the benefits of working vs. staying home. None acknowledged the added emotional need of many to stay on their career paths.

Reader - "Sit down together and brainstorm everything that needs to get done, i.e. meals, bathing baby, cleaning house, driving to and from daycare, laundry, etc. Then take turns picking an item which each commits to do. Of course, in special circumstances, sometimes one person will have to cover for the other."

Reader - "Find easy recipes online and spend 15 minutes before bed or while watching TV throwing the ingredients into a slow cooker. There's nothing better than coming home to a house that smells of a delicious meal. It's healthy eating, and a good way to spend more relaxed family time than last-minute cooking."

Reader - "1) Prioritize the marriage. Without a healthy partnership, you won't have a healthy environment for your child.

"2) Make time to take care of yourself. Your children aren't "neglected" if you take a few hours to do something just for you.

"3) Stop complaining. Speak up, set boundaries, and take steps to make changes to improve your life balance."

Ellie - "While a first baby turns a household into a 24-hour operation that must adapt to and protect the child, I agree that the marriage itself is the foundation to make this happen, and needs close attention."