My boyfriend of four and a half years and I are both mid-to-late 20's. He’s everything I've ever wanted in a relationship. I definitely want to have a future family with him.
We love each other very much. He loves kids. We plan to marry in a couple of years, once I'm finished school.
However, when I was 13, I met a boy and was in love (I know this for a fact). I haven’t talked to him since. Two days ago, he messaged me, asking to hang out.
He still likes me. I’ve always had feelings for him. We stopped talking because he moved and we both forgot each other’s last name. He found me on Facebook.
Is it wrong to go see him, see if there’s still a spark, and let my mind have closure? Or, should I just let it be and still wonder?
Here’s a more certain scenario: If you meet this guy – even secretly – and you two start hyping up your past as carefree youngsters, you can kiss your grown-up marriage plans goodbye.
You were children “in love,” with no sense of what that meant. The fact he’s called you only shows that you both shared a fantasy in time, long ago.
It has little to do with whom you are today… going to school, planning a life and a family with someone with whom you have adult trust and love.
If you cannot control the urge to meet him, at least do so as an “old childhood friend,” and tell your boyfriend about it. Consider introducing them.
Be prepared for disappointment in your over-romanticized memory, and for your current boyfriend’s deep hurt, if he senses that you’re comparison-shopping.
My wife asked for our divorce seven years ago. I spent three years looking after my mother (Alzheimer's) and then my daughter moved in (anxiety stress disorder). So there was a lot of nurturing going on.
I have my own place, and my daughter still lives with me. I’ve been online dating for a couple of years.
I dated a widow from late August until mid-December when she broke it off with me. I thought the world of her, and believe that I love(d) her.
She said she wasn’t sure of her feelings for me, that she was meeting other men, and encouraged me to continue meeting women.
I asked if she wanted to break up and she emotionally denied this. We became very intimate.
She broke my heart.
So I’m again attempting to meet other women, as I know this is what I have to do. But I cannot get her out of my mind. She abruptly stopped all communication and has even returned the Christmas gifts I bought her.
This is really affecting me. I have her in my thoughts during the day and have trouble sleeping at night.
I also know I’m a very desirable male who should put this behind me. So what the heck is wrong with me?
Can’t Forget Her
You can be a great desirable catch for the right person. And that’s whom you still have to seek.
It’s not her, because she didn’t connect with all that you are. Like everyone else, she has her own set of needs and you may not even know them all.
Clearly, you hit it off awhile, and that’s the part to feel good about. No reason to doubt your ability to move on and find mutual love.
My boyfriend of two years got tipsy on New Years’ Eve and during an intimate moment, disclosed that when we’re making love, he thinks about having sex with his ex-wife's sister, to whom he's always been attracted. The sister’s happily married and thus only a fantasy for him.
I know I shouldn't care about what he thinks about during sex, as long as he keeps it to himself.
But because he fantasizes about a person he knows, rather than, say, a supermodel or celebrity, it really bothers me.
Am I overreacting?
His drunken blabbing was dumb and hurtful. Fantasies aren’t the problem… but mentioning repeated lust for someone you both know, during sex with you, is insulting.
He showed crummy judgment. Time to assess whether he uses drunkenness to excuse himself for saying/doing whatever he wants.
Tell him that sexual fantasies are either private turn-ons, or mutually agreed scenarios, not confessions of wishing you’re with someone else.
Tip of the day:
Don’t risk a great adult relationship over memories of childhood romance.