Dear Readers - It's the hot-button topic you just won't let go. So here, from the continuous stream of opinions on Whether To Tell on a Cheater (July 22/23/24) are the last few responses I'll run, chosen because they present thought-provoking situations:

Reader - "I'd been married 30 years and my husband was cheating on me with a young woman. My married children knew what was happening but kept quiet. I certainly was hurt when I found out, but they felt it was up to their father to tell me. Should they have told me?"

Divorced and Happy

It's a tough call for an adult child to make, as it pits loyalty to one parent against protection of another, and practical concerns against personal morality.

It's understandable that you would've wanted your children's support through informing you. But it's equally understandable that they were caught between fears of losing their relationship with either parent. I'm guessing they had more faith in your continued love for them, than in their father's.

Reader - "I'm 52, the adoptive mother of a special needs baby, now age five; my ex-husband was cheating shortly after her adoption. I was unaware, as I was caring for an ailing parent and fitting a child into our lives.

"He continued to cheat while fully participating in an adoption agency's home study to adopt a second child. Eventually, he left and commenced a divorce action when my daughter was three. We never adopted the second child.

"After he left, his colleague told me what he was up to and with whom. I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL TO THIS PERSON. What I regret was that no one (there were many... his affair was with his employee) told me sooner. It would've allowed me to better protect my child, because, when I confronted my ex, he backed down after wasting thousands of litigation fees trying to force me back to work and to sell the house.

"In the end, he was forced to pay spousal and child support. But he'd had lots of time to hide money before leaving us. I am now the single mother of a young special needs child who may need life-long care.

"Should friends who know tell when someone is cheating? Absolutely. Squealing is in the best interests of the children who are the ultimate victims of cheaters."

Wasted Time

Reader - "I'm divorced (three years) from a cheating wife. I suspected cheating, and confronted her several times; she out-right denied it. Yet after 16 years of marriage, you just know when things aren't right. Only after her lover's drunk girlfriend approached me at a wedding we all attended, the truth started to come out.

"I dismissed it at first, because the woman was drunk...but it was later confirmed by a friend of mine whom I told. He did some sleuthing without me being aware.

"I finally got a teary-eyed confession. Then she moved on to another affair, with her employer. I again felt something was wrong - late nights "working" - and spent a year checking up on everything she did, until I discovered emails that she then tried to delete. That's when it ended.

"I thank the people who made me aware; I sensed something but had no solid proof until they came forward. They are true friends!"

Long Deception

Your story shows that silent betrayal becomes like water torture to the soul...damaging trust and debilitating the other spouse's ability to determine the truth.

Reader - "During my sister's wedding 30 years ago, my best friend's fiancée reached under the dinner table to touch my thigh; whispering into my ear, she propositioned me. Astounded, I took the next opportunity to tell my friend, thinking he'd appreciate the information, on the eve of his own wedding.

"The result was the termination of our long friendship. I still miss him. Who's to say what's the right thing to do?"

Shut Out

Your uncertainty - lasting 30 years - raises more questions about your friend. He clearly forgave his fiancée. Only time would tell whether her overt flirting was a one-time occurrence or something she'd repeat (you haven't said...or don't know).

As your "best friend" he could've explained why he chose to trust her, or why he couldn't remain buddies. But he preferred to dismiss the event, and you. It'd be interesting to know how their relationship turned out.