My girlfriend of eight years dumped me because of family reasons. She never introduced me to them because they wouldn't accept me. So now she realizes we must move on. Our relationship together has been really good, yet now it's over. How do I cope with this, or try to get her back?

Dumped and Depressed

After eight years without "acceptance," you both must've known the issues that caused her to keep you from her family - income level, education, cultural differences, whatever.

Surely you discussed this. If not, you were both in denial. So move on, despite the pain, because too many years have gone by with this relationship existing in limbo.

Don't frustrate yourself with trying to get her back, or you'll be in the same intolerable position of being an "outsider" to her family.... and clearly she doesn't choose to defy them for the long-term.

My son's dad hasn't seen him for 15 years and now is interested. But I get the feeling he wants to rekindle our old affair rather than care about his son. He remarried but doesn't want his older sons to know they have a brother who has autism. Have I made a big mistake in getting my son and his dad back together? How can I get him to care more about his son and less about me without them drifting apart again?

Mixed Message?

Do not interfere in the developing relationship between father and son, but don't get too involved in it either. It will either grow naturally, or it won't. Your son is old enough (and has the past experience) to face that reality, especially since he has the backup of your love and support.

You can't force your ex-lover to care more about his son. You can only be positive about their connection, without allowing yourself to be made responsible for it, such as agreeing to be present when they visit or go out.

Don't even get drawn into the conversation about it being related to his seeing you. He's married, period. But he also has a son who has the normal needs for a father's interest, and you can be clear that's the relationship you care about.

Any suggestions from this guy that he only wants to see his son through you, respond that it's his loss, because the boy deserves better than that.

I'm in high school and have a major crush. This guy never used to be popular, but now that he is, all the girls are after him and he's different. He's too proud of his looks and thinks that he's better than others. He's become rude and obnoxious.

I still like him though. I want him to be a better person. He used to be so sweet and nice. I want to see his good side again, not the one that swears and is all about the outside of a person and not the inside.

Still Crushing

You're dealing with a romantic image, not reality. The guy isn't two people - he's one person who's evolved into someone you actually don't respect. It's a huge mistake to think that you're going to "change him back."

Popularity has gone to his head. It'll take maturity and time, if ever, for him to possibly recognize that his behaviour is obnoxious.... but he sure won't accept it from you, not now.

Look for another nice guy, the kind you do admire and respect. Your crush is only a fantasy of the past.

Recently, a middle-aged female Caucasian cab driver, started bad-mouthing all non-white and/or Middle Eastern-looking people, saying how "they" outnumber "us" (white people) and Christians, too.

Having grown up in Ottawa, a melting pot of cultures, I'm used to working alongside people from all walks of life, and whose countries of origin span the globe. What I'm not used to is open racial hatred and intolerance.

We live in a global community, it's time we evolved out of the Crusades mindset, and embraced the 21st century with open arms and open minds.

Commentary

Lead by telling your truths. I urge you and others who think this way, to speak up when opportunity arises - not argumentatively, but to state your own good experiences with people of diverse backgrounds, who've contributed to this country with their hard work and taxes, and are raising their children to be our educated citizens of the future.