Dear Readers – Destination Weddings just won’t go away! That’s not a pun. It reflects the response from those who keep sending comments on this topic, following past columns (May 3). Here are some you urged me to publish:

Reader #1 – “When people are inviting guests to a wedding on an island, all they should do is invite. We had someone call to say they were going to invite us to their daughter’s wedding but since they know we can't afford it, they’re not sending us an invitation.

“I replied, “You did the right thing.” It wasn't because we couldn't afford it; we’d just been to that island on March break.

“Worse happened when the bride told me she and her fiancé really wanted us to attend if we can afford it.

“I know they’re trying to be sensitive, but they’re coming across as rude and insulting.”

Reader #2 – “I’ve been shocked by the discussions in your column about destination weddings. I considered one myself. It never occurred to me to ask guests to PAY for such an expensive thing. I included the cost of the guests’ travel and hotel expenses in the wedding budget.
“When a bride and groom plan something so expensive they should pay for it themselves. If they can't, they shouldn’t even consider it.

“A wedding isn’t supposed to be a pot luck gathering unless friends or relatives (on their own initiative) take up a collection for the couple.”

Reader #3 – “This topic is so interesting! We had our first destination wedding a year ago. It was my grandson's wedding and my son paid for part of the cost for both grandmothers.

“Later, the bride and groom hosted a BBQ in their backyard after they returned from their wedding.

“We were all invited, those who’d attended and those who could not.  The people who spent a week together could reconnect and the others could still feel a part of the celebration.

“This kind of event can resolve any hurt or guilt feelings and doesn't break the bank.”

Reader #4 – “My friends could not attend a destination wedding, but it was broadcast on a satellite feed and the couple felt like they were included.”

Reader #5 – “One couple who didn’t attend a destination wedding widely criticized that it’d be too expensive. They ended contact with anyone who was planning to attend, including their own siblings.

“They left it to the very last minute before confirming they’d not attend because of the cost.

“We later discovered the same couple had jetted off to a European beach destination for three weeks at the height of the summer season! No one was interested later in seeing their hours of videotape and pictures from Europe.

“Unfortunately, there are people who see everything as being about them personally. That extends to destination weddings. They can't simply decline the invitation but feel compelled to cast their moral glance over it.”

Reader #6 – “Our niece, who lives in another city, had a destination wedding at an island resort. We didn’t attend, not just because of cost ($8000 for ourselves and three teens!), but also because of the one-week time commitment.

“We would’ve been delighted to attend a wedding in her city and our children would’ve attended too. But a week away during high school exams and university classes, and a forced one-week vacation with certain family members, was too much.

“Expecting others to devote a week to celebrating your wedding is unreasonable.”
Reader #7 – “We’ve been to two destination weddings, both in four-and-a-half star resorts. The two couples who married are friends of our son. Despite that they were expensive vacations, we enjoyed the chance to vacation with him and his friends.

“Both couples did not expect any wedding presents and said that our presence was enough.

“Everyday, guests would congregate either in the pool or the beach where we’d be having a good time. Parents of the couple arranged specialty dinners. Meeting everyone at some point for breakfast, lunch, and dinner were really special.

“For my 70th birthday next year, I’ll have a destination celebration! Some friends have indicated that they’ll be coming. For those who aren’t able to attend, I’ll understand that financial consideration is a big dilemma. I have financial concerns just like any other senior, but having a good time in my golden years is important, too.”