I’ve become girlfriends with my department supervisor; we talk about dating in our 30s, and have twice gone for dinner together after work. 

The company’s having an off-site think-tank next month, and has asked participants to reduce costs by sharing rooms. I’ve been invited as the staff person from our department, as have others at my same job level in other departments. All the supervisors and some top brass are attending.

My friend’s asked me to share her room but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

- Confused

Keep the friendship out of the off-site “workplace” (which is what this gathering is). Find a roomie from another department – at your same level - and explain to your boss/friend that you believe it’s a great opportunity for building cross-company understanding and communication. 

Say that you value your friendship, but worry that your department colleagues may interpret the shared room as a closeness that could lead to her favouritism towards you.

Also, some of the higher executives may feel she’s using the conference for personal buddy time, when it’s meant for strategic planning and innovative thinking between people getting to know each other’s different areas of work towards the company goals.

I love my wife of six months, but she’s changed since our wedding. She constantly stays out with her friends, only buys take-out meals, rarely cleans, resists sex and refuses discussion. I don’t know what went wrong.

- Perplexed

Either her expectations of married life were way unrealistic, or she’s unhappy about something specific. Get to marriage counselling together, fast, to learn how to “fight fair” – through talking out disagreements and seeking solutions. Therapy’s essential, whether to stay together, or have any hope of better relationships if you part.

My friend’s son, 17, is getting into some bad things his mother knows nothing about. 

She excuses his late weekend hours because he has a part-time retail job; but the talk among the other kids (including my daughter) is that he skims money somehow, and then buys liquor and pot, and uses both to excess.

He also skips a lot of classes when his mother’s at work.

She’s been divorced for one year and I know it’s been hard on her.

Should I tell her about her son, knowing it’ll make her life so much tougher and sadder?

- Unsure

This young man’s future is on the line, and anything you can do to help him get on a straight path is worth the risk. 

Even if the stories aren’t accurate, his reputation is being sullied. If they’re true, he’s risking theft charges, suspension or failure at school, and starting a pattern of alcohol and drug abuse that’s hard to shake.

Tell the mother, and suggest she get professional counselling for her son.

He, too, is reacting to the divorce and the strain on his mother. If possible, she should get his father on side to help the youth see that his choices, which are likely his escape from reality, are only going to drag him down further.

If the father isn’t available or helpful, the mother should look for a strong, positive role model for her son – possibly a respected relative, a school coach, etc. She can start with the school’s guidance department, informing them of the impact of the divorce – hopefully to get some tolerance for his absences and tutoring help for him to catch up, as well as referral for counselling.

My elderly neighbour puts out his garbage the day before the pickup date, so that it’s sitting visibly day and night. In mild weather, dogs, raccoons and even scavengers pick through it, leaving an unsightly mess, which spills over onto my lawn. 

He says he sleeps in late, and can’t trust he’ll get the garbage out early enough for the next morning’s pickup.

What should I do?

- Hate the Mess

Be neighbourly; someday you too will be elderly and need a hand. 

Offer to take his garbage outside for him, if he’ll leave it in a secure, accessible spot. He can use his garage if he has one, or you can suggest he keep his garbage bins close by his house and secured with rocks or clamps (whatever works). You’ll take them to the street when you move your own garbage there.

It’s easier than cleaning up debris…and a kindness, too.