COMMENT

I’m 45, an intelligent, attractive woman, single for four years. I was drugged and date-raped.

It’s taken me awhile to admit this because it was different than what you read about typically. So I was confused, embarrassed, and self-blaming. I’d like to help others by making them aware and safe!

It was an online date. I chose the place and time. My friends knew where I was and what time to expect me home. I limited my drinking and thought I was being smart, savvy, and safe.

I was candid with my date, letting him know I just wasn’t attracted to him. I became tired and tipsy. Thinking I hadn't eaten enough before having a second glass of wine, I decided it was time to go home. He was gentlemanly, paid for everything and walked me out. That's when it happened.
I don't want to describe sordid details, but I will tell you that I didn't say ‘No.’ I wasn't upset, I didn't resist. I was completely detached as if I was watching an uninteresting TV show.

I realize NOW that I wasn't entirely conscious, but at the time, I thought that I'd had too much to drink. I thought that I’d chosen to have a few glasses of wine, had chosen to lower my inhibitions because of it, and had let this happen.

Fact: Drugs had taken away my ability to make a decision and had also taken away my ability to feel anything at all.

That, specifically, is where my story differs from what I thought I knew about date-rape drugs. It's not that I was simply physically incapacitated; I was mentally and emotionally completely detached.
Every experience can be worthwhile if used to benefit yourself and/or others. I've chosen to share my story with your readers.

Awareness is key. Denial is harmful. Reaching out to others is healing. Rape crisis centers and hotlines are available locally. This could happen to anyone and though they don't need to close their hearts to seeking love, they do need to play safe!

My Alarm Call

Thousands of people have now been informed and forewarned, thanks to your outreach. I hope you’re having ongoing counselling about the sexual assault.

Also, talk to police. If you made no report then, they may not have evidence to lay a charge. However, the man’s likely still an online predator they can monitor.

FEEDBACK Regarding your alert about children being asked for sexual favours (May 30):

Reader –“The problem starts with boys, and to a lesser extent, girls, watching pornography on the Internet. This fuels unrealistic expectations in boys, who accept the porn as normal sex.

“They then pressure girls, some of whom comply. The boys are victims in this as well, as they’re taught that this unacceptable behaviour is normal.

“As parents, we need to talk to our children about sex.

“We need to improve our sex education in schools, to counteract the Internet influences.

“You may be talking to your child about sex, but he/she could well be influenced by friends with information from a porn site.

“We need to stop children's access to Internet porn. Employers do this for their employees; surely we should do this for our children.

“It’ll be difficult, as children are good at getting around the roadblocks we may throw up.

“As a start, we should require all porn sites to use a ".porn" in their address, and require browsers to block these sites via parental controls.”

My formerly best friend (both entering last year high-school) has become selfish and toxic. She’s been isolating me, and acting irrational.

Recently, she gave me the silent treatment when I wouldn’t break a promise with another friend. Sometimes, she borders on harassment.

I’m now trying to ensure our classes will be completely separate next year. But she’s a clinger.

I believe she’ll seek me out next year too, and with my doormat tendencies, I’ll succumb to her demands.

How do I remove her from my life without being rude or obvious?

Escaping Clinger 

Show independence and she’ll be unable to cling. Drop your own sense of “doormat.” Stand up to her openly, but kindly, too, or you’ll appear just as isolating.

Choose classes you want, not just ones that avoid her. Be friendly with others, and encourage her to do so. Say that as you’re both graduating next year, this is essential when going to college.