What’s the deal with the word “policy?” Why do people think that this word is the final answer to everything? Over the past several months I’ve been told, in no uncertain terms, that whatever the issue is, it’s “policy” and therefore hands are tied, nothing can be done, they can’t think out of their policy box.

It’s all very robotic, very impersonal, and VERY frustrating.

What’s happened to our world that no one can think for themselves? Where’s the customer service? What happened to interpersonal relationships?

Robot Responses

I hear you and feel your frustration. I recently had a few of those myself. Unfortunately, I believe COVID changed the way employees feel about their jobs. So many people took advantage of the government’s extended hand, that it took ages for the workforce to shift out of a constant search for employees. And according to research, it’s an employees’ market, meaning, employers need them more than they need the job. So, their work ethic has shifted – there’s no longer a need to do the best they can to rise in the ranks.

In my experience, customer service is almost non-existent; the adage of “the customer is always right” no longer applies; and the lack of care is evident in every sector. I had a “policy” experience just recently over a $20 discrepancy. Really?

I can only suggest that you be kind in your communication, request assistance from someone with more authority, and don’t become accepting of this new normal because if you do, nothing will change.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 13 years.  I only see him on weekends because of our shifts.  I go to his place Saturday morning; we go kayaking or camping, and then I leave Sunday night.

I thought by now we’d be living together or married.  I feel he doesn’t want to get married.  He won’t go to weddings or anything like that and always disses them.

He takes care of his 87-year-old mother in his house, makes sure she eats, takes her pills, etc.  I asked him to move in with me a few years ago and he said he couldn’t because of her.  I wouldn’t be able to live there because she smokes heavily and the house smells badly of smoke, and there’s really no space for me.

I’m 59 and want to live the rest of our lives together, but it seems we’re stuck in a rut as the relationship can’t move forward.  How do I bring this up in conversation?  I love him and don’t really want to break up but I can’t go on like this forever.  I would rather start fresh with someone that wants the same future or just be single.

Stuck in a Rut

Your boyfriend has seemingly found himself in a perfect place, at your emotional expense. I only say this because if he wanted to change his situation, he could and would. I don’t know how you’ve accepted this weekends-only relationship for this long.

I can only think that at first it was about getting to know each other, then it became work-related (you mention you’re both in shift work), and then it became routine. So, what’s changed that NOW you want to live together? You’ve been together since you’re 46, not 16.

It’s commendable that he takes care of his mother, and that won’t last forever since she’s already aged, but it can last a good while longer. If he really wants this relationship, he should sell his house, move his mom into a home, and move in with you. The ONLY reason I suggest the home is because of her smoking and your aversion to it.

You need to speak up, or this will go on.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person feeling run down (July 9):

Reader – “I have read in several articles that people living in less affluent countries, who are also physically more active, experience far less ‘first world problems, a.k.a. stress and burnout.’

“Maybe check out her local municipality’s recreational offerings.  Maybe parent/child events.  Just talking with parents with similar challenges could be helpful and may also generate other constructive suggestions.

“I have found a simple walk, especially in nature or along water, to be great stress relief and a break for daily stress. What about going for simple 15-to-30-minute walk with her child (again length depending on age and ability of child)?

“I admire her priorities regarding her child.  I also admire that she is recognising that she needs help.  That alone is a great first step.  Just asking is putting her on a good path forward.”

Lisi – I agree with your last paragraph wholeheartedly.